It’s week two and we’re finally starting to get to know our contestants.
Overall I have mixed feelings about the cast. At best we have a bunch of grown men running around in creepy clown suits, pitted against a pack of claw-wielding jackals disguised as women. At worst we have a 16-person snooze-fest with a few glimpses of crazy.
The episode begins with Trump re-introducing the cast, and I find myself silently begging the editors to just get on with the show. As the semi-familiar faces pop up on the screen, I realize the only people I remember, or even care about, are Mahsa, Stephanie, Tyana, James, David and maybe Liza. There’s also a husky fellow from Texas, but I don’t remember his name.
This week the task is to sell ice cream. The team that sells the most ice cream wins. I love these simple challenges because, in theory, without the distraction of complicated instructions we should get to see each player’s personality. That would work if they actually had personalities. Instead we see two days of random people running around a park until mercifully the task ends.
Mainly, the show lacks sex appeal. Aren’t these girls supposed to be hot? Generally as a rule, Trump doesn’t cast unattractive women, but we haven’t seen a hint of sexuality from these chicks. It’s a hot summer day in New York City. Would it kill you ladies to show a little leg? How about some fake boobs in a skimpy tank top? No? Well how about a “no” to my attention span too.
To make it worse, the uptight and annoyingly self-righteous Brandy actually has the audacity to get angry when Trump questions her about using sex appeal to sell ice cream — as if she is above tackiness. Attn Brandy! You are on a reality show. You are tackiness. Brandy sucks, and so does Poppy.
The only thing worse than a weak player, is a duo of boring players who band together to appear strong. Brandy and Poppy – who will now be referred to a “Broppy” — remind me of snobby sorority sisters. People only pretend to like them because they are afraid of the sisterhood.
The most interesting exchange comes at the end of the episode when Broppy tries to make nice with Liza after throwing her under the bus in the boardroom. Liza refuses to participate in the fake friendship charade with the girls and then — get this — she straight up calls Poppy a bitch!
Yes! RESPECT. Liza’s refusal to play childish games in order to be accepted by the women on her team is refreshing and establishes her as a win-worthy competitor. Mahsa, Tyana and Stephanie also don’t seem fazed by Broppy, so they are stand-out players too.
So what happened this episode?
Ice cream was sold.
No sex was involved in the selling of the ice cream.
The girls won.
The boys lost.
The little man with gray hair was fired for being less interesting (read: less crazy) than David or James.
Broppy was born.
I turned the channel to "Jersey Shore."
Better luck next episode. Until then … GTL!