Baldwin’s Trump On ‘SNL’: ‘What a Difference Just 59 Tomahawk Missiles Can Make’

Alec Baldwin reprised his role as Donald Trump to check in with “his people” in rural Kentucky, pledging to “junk” any federal program they might actually use

Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump returned to “SNL” to meet with Americans in Union, Kentucky, in a desperate bid to make sure they still loved him.

Taking questions from the audience during a town hall meeting, Baldwin’s Trump was quick to “junk” anything people didn’t like, from federal rehabilitation facilities to any sort of regulations on coal mines.

“Thank you. thank you,” Baldwin’s Trump said as he was introduced. “We all love trump, don’t we. we do. I had an amazing week, folks. I met with leaders from China, Egypt and Jordan. Gorsuch was confirmed and the media is saying nice things and no one is talking about Russia. What a difference 59 tomahawk missiles can make.

“Now I get to spend 20 minutes today with my people,” he continued. “Folks who is don’t whisper ‘Oh, God, what’s happening,’ after I leave the room. I know how hard it is for you. Things have changed so much since I was growing up. A lot of poverty is white now. Isn’t that crazy?”

Members of the audience asked Trump questions about his policies, but Trump started each answer by making sure the people of Union were happy he’d bombed Syria this week. After confirming, he moved on to dealing with each of their issues. Fielding a question about coal mining jobs from cast member Kyle Mooney, Trump was quick to say everything he thought regular Americans wanted to hear.

“God, I love coal,” Trump responded. “You guys have suffered terribly. Worse than anyone. I am going to do everything I can to make sure you people work in coal for the rest of your lives. And your kids will work in coal, and your grandkids. It’s going to be incredible.”

When Mooney followed up to say he didn’t necessarily need a job in coal, Trump doubled down.

“Sorry, it’s all coal,” Baldwin responded as Trump. “In Trump’s America, men work in two places: coal mines and Goldman Sachs. I’m cutting all job-killing regulations. I’m proud to announce that as of today, your coal mines will have no regulations. None. It’s a free-for-all.”

Moving on to a question from Beck Bennett, Trump asked, “How about you? Are you glad that I bombed Syria?”

“I found out my premiums have gone up and I have to drive 90 minutes to see a doctor,” Bennett said. “I know you tried your best to fix it but you couldn’t.”

“Paul Ryan couldn’t, but I did everything I could,” Trump responded. “I posed for pictures and went ‘Honk, honk!’ I won’t give up. I am talking with the Freedom Caucus and we are going to get rid of it.”

“My health care? All of it?” Bennett asked.

“All of it,” Trump replied. “Gone. After we’re done, you will never have to drive to see a doctor again. How does that sound?”

Bennett seemed okay with that answer. “I trust your judgment, sir,” he said. “There must be some reason you are a billionaire.”

“We think exactly alike,” said Trump. “I say that quietly to myself, all the time, actually. There must be some reason I’m a billionaire.”

Trump continued with questions, pledging to deal with anyone’s problems by cutting the entire federal program related to it. Rehab — gone. Minimum wage troubles? “Junked,” Trump shouted.

As Trump’s time ran out, he quickly thanked “his people.”

“That’s why I came here,” Baldwin’s Trump said. “You stand by me now matter what. It’s like you found a finger in your chili and still eat the chili because you told everyone you know how much you love chili. It’s tremendous.”

After another quick question from Aidy Bryant about her mortgage being underwater — which Trump said he’d fix by getting rid of Bryant’s house.

“You are blowing my mind,” Trump said as he concluded the town hall meeting. “Keep eating that finger chili. Remember I’m one of you, remember I’m one of you!”