‘Big Brother’s’ Chima Simone Runs Down the New Houseguests

The Diva, the “Jersey Shore” connection, the hustler — and the pot stirrer

Last Updated: December 20, 2013 @ 5:06 AM

Big Brother’s Answer to "Jersey Shore"
Enzo Palumbo, a 32-year-old insurance adjuster from Bayonne, N.J. 

A self-proclaimed character, he thinks he’s already a celebrity and has apparently used the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator because the best he could come up with was “Meow Meow."  We all know “The Situation” is taken, but really?! His strategy, plainly put, is winning. And with Mafia as part of his planned alliance name, that just may happen. By any means necessary.

The Definitive Diva of the Season:
Monet Stunson, a 24-year-old model from Glen Carbon, Ill.

Monet told the producers she couldn’t wait to taste slop so we know she’s a good liar. She has strutted her stuff for Gwen Stefani’s label L.A.M.B, placed 1st runner up for Miss Illinois USA 2008, and one of the accomplishments she is most proud of is her "good driver’s license picture." I can hear the collective “She’s a spoiled, entitled, little b—-*” grumblings from here. Oh wait, that was directed at me? OK, never mind.

Obviously proud of her looks, this princess lives a privileged life, yet will soon get a cold shower wake-up call when she finds out slop isn’t so tasty after all, especially after a full week of what I can best describe as pig’s feed masquerading as flavorless oatmeal.

The Brains Are Back in a Big Way:
Matt Hoffman, a 32-year-old web designer from Elgin, Ill.

Former contestant on the fourth season of NBC’s "Average Joe: The Joe Strikes Back," Matt is the smartest person to ever play the game (his words).  Even telling the producers he’s smarter than them. Word to the wise, Matt, don’t talk smack to the producers. 

A seasoned reality competitor & MENSA member whose motto is “I don’t want the world, I just want your half” should fare just fine in the cutthroat "Big Brother" house.

Foxy Floater:
Ragan Fox, a 34-year-old college professor from Los Angeles

Ragan’s strategy is to float-on until war is declared while also maintaining a secret alliance on the side. He plans to use his gayness for good & evil so maybe Enzo will get that “good gay guy” he’s looking for in his mafia alliance. Writer, poet, and podcast producer, Ragan also brings an intellectual creativity to the game. Humor is his thing so I expect many inspired diary room sessions from him; each one presented with him possibly sporting a different color bow tie?  I can only hope. Maybe his penchant for them will rival last season’s Kevin Campbell’s obsession with scarves.

She’s a Hustler Baby, She Just Wants You to Know:
Rachel Reilly, a 26-year-old chemistry graduate student/VIP cocktail waitress from Las Vegas

Rachel’s strategy is to employ that well-honed VIP bottle service skill set to the game. That translates to using what you got to get what you want, the ultimate result being big money in Vegas and a nice prize in "Big Brother." And this girl’s got a lot: Hawaiian Tropic bikini body, brains, beauty, & personality. This sexy scientist will win the men over and the women? Well, my guess is that they’re expendable as far as she’s concerned.

Secretive Salesman:
Lane Elenburg, a 24-year-old oil rig salesman from Decatur, Texas

Lane is not revealing his strategy. How did he get away with that one? That was a biography must-have last season!  A former collegiate athlete, he’s well equipped for the physical challenges. In addition, this muscle-bound man works in public relations so he’s very familiar with spinning public opinion and that will undoubtedly help him in this game.

Doesn’t Do Lemons Unless They’re a Garnish:
Annie Whittington, a 27-year-old bartender from Tampa, Fla.

Her life’s motto is “When life gives you lemons … say f— the lemons and bail.” Well, that’s the strategy I employed in the game, but not Annie. She has declared, "I will be the winner of Big Brother." and plans to use her bisexuality as a secret weapon. Outgoing, overly dramatic, and loyal, I expect some fireworks from this girl if and/or when that loyalty is betrayed. Disloyalty is inevitable and she claims to have the worst of a very important component in this game, luck.

Quiet Storm:
Kristen Bitting, a 24-year-old shoe boutique manager from Philadelphia

Kristen is willing to do close to anything to win. She grabs life by the balls so surely she won’t hold back in the "Big Brother" house. According to her bio, she is very misunderstood by strangers. That is not necessarily an asset in a game where you have an extremely short time to make a good first impression on your fellow housemates. She says we’ve never seen anything like her in reality TV … well, don’t shelter us from the storm, Kristen. We want to see this!

Purported Backstabber:
Hayden Moss, a 24-year-old college student from Tempe, Ariz.

Hayden claims he’ll stab anyone in the back to win a half a million dollars, but after reading his bio, I’m not so sure. Something about him, maybe his fun loving, hang-loose attitude and charming smile, exudes a guy who is there to win, but undeniably also there to have a good time at all cost.

Jeff’s Doppelganger?"
Brendon Villegas, a 30-year-old high school swim coach from Riverside, Calif.

Not according to his bio, but CBS’s “The Early Show “ clip sure portrays him as the next Jeff Schroeder, a huge fan favorite from last season. He may be our resident "Big Brother" heartthrob looking for a showmance with a girl bearing a sweet personality, but in his bio, he states he wants to win women over and then turn them against each other. While he claims he’s scared of that lovely girl that may win him over with her kind-heart, I don’t sense fear. I detect cold calculation. A PhD in Biom. Physics isn’t needed to orchestrate catfights, but his intelligence could help him win the game.

A Mix of Chelsea Handler & Martha Stewart:
Britney Haynes, a 22-year-old hotel sales manager from Huntington, Ark.

Sooooo Britney is a comedian that knows her way around crafts and a kitchen? That remains to be seen, but she did tell America to remember whatever comes out of her mouth is purely sarcasm.  Her strategy is to play hard to get. Um, this isn’t "The Bachelor," but OK. Egomaniacs and old people are her most undesired roommates. Well, one out of two ain’t bad. The eldest houseguest is 40 years young.

Survivor:
Kathy Hillis, a 40-year-old deputy sheriff from Texarkana, Ark.

Criminal profiling, reading people, and investigating are part of her daily job so I don’t see her being fooled very easily. Self-described as tenacious & having survived ovarian cancer her life’s motto is “Never give up, never give in, and never use the word defeat …”  She may have to put aside her dislike of living with women to get ahead in this game, but I don’t see that being a problem for her. Kathy vowed to her Grandma that she would apply to Big Brother when she got well, now she’s there to win.

***

Now to my pick for this season’s America’s player, “The Saboteur." 

Inspired by "The Mole," this season’s twist includes a player that is there solely to sabotage their fellow houseguests. The player will not try to win the $500,000 grand prize, but he or she can win cash by getting to at least the halfway point in the game.

“The Saboteur,” who many are referring to as a revised version of season 8’s “America’s Player,” will be revealed during the live eviction show on July 15.

Pot Stirrer:
Andrew Gordon, a 39-year-old podiatrist from Miami Beach, Fla.

Andrew describes himself as sneaky. Am I gullible enough to fall strictly for that little tidbit? Yes, but here are some other clues that seal the deal for me: First, his bio reads like the definition of saboteur, especially his reference to his missing his daughter. That would be so sweet if it didn’t come second to watching ESPN daily as the most difficult part of living in the "Big Brother" house.

This man has no desire to win over the audience. Bingo! He doesn’t have to because he’s working on behalf of America. Secondly, his first two favorite activities are gaming and poker.  Lastly, he wants to incorporate many players’ strategies, most notably, Russell Hantz of "Survivor," a notorious saboteur.  Russell’s name was actually tossed around as a desired addition to the "Big Brother 12" house by many fans. 

Maybe those lucky viewers will get a little taste of the tampering with Andrew. We shall see…

Stay tuned.