Bill Maher Spoofs Ted Cruz as a Vampire Snake Named F—face (Video)

HBO comedy host makes his own satirical list of 25 things you don’t know about Republican candidate, including: “I smell with my tongue”

Last Updated: April 23, 2016 @ 10:27 AM

Lampooning Ted Cruz and Hilary Clinton in one fell swoop, Bill Maher offered his own list of secret facts voters may not know about Republican presidential candidate Cruz.

Riffing on an US Weekly cover story that shared 25 tidbits that Clinton says people may not know about her, Maher presented his version of what Cruz might offer as a secret factoids about himself.

They include:

  • I spent my entire freshman year in high school stuffed in a locker

  • As a child, I used to imagine what it must be like to have an imaginary friend

  • My nickname at Princeton was F—face

  • My favorite Beatle is whoever your favorite Beatle is, if it would help you like me

  • Mirrors don’t show my reflection

  • I named the stick up my ass “Hank”

  • My Cuban half once robbed my Canadian half at knifepoint

  • My children love to play hide and seek, sometimes for weeks at a time

  • Jesus once descended from heaven just to punch me in the face

  • I smell with my tongue

Maher said his list was in the interest of giving all candidates equal time, after US Weekly printed a cover story with Hillary Clinton’s “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me.”

“To say I was tickled and delighted that this was the cover of US Weekly is an understatement,” he said.

Watch the video, originally posted on Twitter, above.