U2 frontman Bono penned a super-long A to Z-type ode to 2014, in which he admitted that he may never again be able to play guitar due to serious injuries sustained from a bicycle crash in November.
Before entering the 5,000-plus-word U2.com blog post, the musician warns readers: “This is too long. You should not have time to read this. If you do get to the end of it then you are probably on the same painkillers as me.”
Then he gets after it.
“I broke my hand, my shoulder, my elbow and my face but the real injury this year was to my Irish pride as it was discovered that under my tracksuit I was wearing yellow and black Lycra cycling shorts,” Bono opened section “I IS FOR IRISH PRIDE.” “Yes, LYCRA. This is not very rock ‘n’ roll.”
That isn’t the only joke in the section — and it’s actually not even the only Section “I” in the piece. “IRISH PRIDE” was actually the third section “I” — the first was “I IS FOR ITUNES,” in which Bono admits, “Our album was to be like a bottle of milk dropped at the door of anyone interested in music and iTunes.”
The second installment was “I IS FOR ‘INVISIBLE,'” where Bono posted hand-written lyrics to the song, which was released as part of a 2014 Super Bowl commercial for (RED).
Back to the accident.
“Recovery has been more difficult than I thought … As I write this, it is not clear that I will ever play guitar again,” the singer admitted.
Then he added another quip: “The band have reminded me that neither they nor Western civilization are depending on this.”
Still, it’s not all about commercialism or even fan support, the man known far more for his voice than his guitar skills said.
“I personally would very much miss fingering the frets of my green Irish falcon or my (RED) Gretsch,” Bono wrote. “Just for the pleasure, aside from writing tunes. But then does the Edge, or Jimmy Page, or any guitarist you know have a titanium elbow, as I do now? I’m all elbows, I am.”
In the long piece, Bono also hails Jimmy Fallon as “the second coming of the late show,” and calls Kanye West an “innovator.”
Read Bono’s full blog post here — if you have too much time and/or on the same painkillers as the singer/human rights activist.