Charlie Sheen will be written off "Two and Half Men" by having Charlie Harper drive his car off a cliff — at least if you believe a wager offered by an Irish bookmaker.
Paddy Power, which frequently offers so-called novelty bets about pop-culture events, has placed the odds of such an exit in the season nine premiere at 11-10.
Most of Paddy Power's speculations about how Charlie Harper's absence will be dealt with in the first episode are ludicrous, and betting on them would be like throwing your money into a fire and dancing around it in glee as it burns.
But others make some sense for inveterate risk-takers. Among the choices that seem completely plausible: "Jail sentence" (25-1), "join a monastery" (50-1) and "gets lost at sea" (66/1).
Not listed is "Gets kidnapped by Somali pirates and forced to write jingles for a pro–Somali pirate ad campaign," which is clearly how Charlie Harper will be written out of the program, at least in our perfect scenario.
Last week, Paddy Power was giving odds on who Sheen's "Anger Management" sitcom co-star will turn out to be but has since taken down that bet.
Here are all of the silly Charlie Harper options Paddy Power is currently offering:
11/10 — Drives his car off a cliff
5/4 — Leaves via airport with Rose
3/1 — Gets shot in a crime of passion
6/1 — By accidental poisoning
12/1 — Plane crash
14/1 — Gets hit by lightning
20/1 — Surfing accident
25/1 — Jail sentence
50/1 — Joins a monastery
50/1 — Taken into the Witness Protection Program
66/1 — Gets lost at sea
200/1 — A piano falls on him
250/1 — Elope with Bertha