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13 Top Chris Pratt Quotes: ‘Jurassic World,’ Anna Faris, Being Homeless in Hawaii

A collection of the darnest things said by the ”Guardians of the Galaxy“ actor

Chris Pratt went from adorably chubby Andy on “Parks and Recreation” to action movie hunk Peter Quill in “Guardians of the Galaxy.” Pratt may have lost the pounds, but he’s certainly retained the charm.

Here are 13 quotes that showcase the “Jurassic World” actor’s sense of humor.

On how he de-stresses:
“My favorite way to blow off steam is to sing obnoxiously loud in the shower.”

On the blurred line between actor and character:
“It’s funny because I meet people in real life and they tell me that I am Andy. I’m like, ‘What? This guy is a homeless person and lives in a pit in the backyard of someone’s house. Give me some credit, I’m a married father with responsibilities!'”

On what to do when confronting a T-Rex:
“The trick is … put your head down between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.”

On being invisible alongside wife Anna Faris on the red carpet:
“I’ve had those moments where I was like the guy holding the purse at events and people just looked right through me … Actors come up and just blatantly hit on my wife in front of me and don’t even look at me. I’m like ‘What the fuck, dude?’ I can think of exactly who they are, too, and I hope they fucking audition for ‘Guardians of the Galaxy.'”

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On gaining newfound respect from the industry:
“Producers and studio people now who will come up to me and treat me the same way that they were treating Anna. They’re like, ‘I always knew…’ I’m like, ‘Is that right? That’s interesting, because you fucking stared right through me the last time…'”

On living in a van on the beach in Maui after dropping out of college:
“It’s a pretty awesome place to be homeless. We just drank and smoked weed and worked minimal hours, just enough to cover gas, food and fishing supplies.”

On sending poop photos to “Parks and Recreation” costar Nick Offerman:
“Not like every poop, but if it’s special enough… If it’s shaped like a letter — that qualifies. Like, one time I had one that was three pieces that landed in the shape of an N. I was like, ‘Gotta send that to Nick — it’s his first initial!'”

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On the “Jurassic World” press tour:
“I want to make a heartfelt apology for whatever it is I end up accidentally saying during the forthcoming #JurassicWorld press tour. I hope you understand it was never my intention to offend anyone and I am truly sorry. I swear. I’m the nicest guy in the world. And I fully regret what I (accidentally will have) said in (the upcoming foreign and domestic) interview(s). I am not in the business of making excuses. I am just dumb. Plain and simple. I try. I REALLY try!”

On Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom‘s scuffle:
“How embarrassing to get punched by Orlando Bloom. Like, of all the people to get punched by, it’s Orlando Bloom. I’d rather get farted on by David Hasselhoff!”

On his suspension from his high school track team for getting naked on the team bus:
“I didn’t understand how somebody could be so offended by me just taking my junk out.”

On being typecast:
“As long as I keep getting cast, I don’t care if it’s typecast.”

Marvel Studios

On becoming overweight:
“I put on weight because I’d fallen in love with a woman [actress Anna Faris] who loved to feed her man. We were drinking a lot of wine and having fun. I was her little Hansel out in the woods and she was fattening me up to put me in the fire. It was like Momma Bear and Papa Bear. She would eat a little bit, I would eat all of mine and the rest of hers.”

On eating healthier:
“When I was fat and unhappy, the only moments of respite I got was when I was eating. Now mealtimes are sometimes lame, because that’s the way it can be when you’re eating healthily. But all the time between meals, I feel great.”

See Chris Pratt in action when “Jurassic World” opens in theaters on June 12.