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Colbert Imagines What John Bolton’s Book Would Be Like as Pornography (Video)

We need brain bleach for walruses now

On Tuesday’s “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert devoted a large portion of his monologue to talking about John Bolton’s upcoming tell-all book, “The Room Where It Happened.” And alongside a bunch of commentary about the political context, he also imagined what the book actually contains.

Also, he imagined what it would be like if it was in fact pornography.

The jumping off point for this was the news today that the Trump administration is attempting to sue Bolton, arguing that Bolton breached his contractual and fiduciary obligations by revealing classified information in his upcoming book. Or as Colbert summed it up, “this lawsuit is a huge pile of crap.”

“Unlike every leader in the free world, Trump makes his advisers sign nondisclosure agreements,” Colbert said, explaining that the lawsuit accuses Bolton of breaching the one he signed.

“Now we’ve all heard about Trump’s NDAs. Stormy Daniels had one and she got out of it. So Trump should just cut Bolton a check for $130,000 because now, Bolton is gonna spank him with this book,” Colbert joked, referring to the amount Trump paid Daniels according to his former fixer, Michael Cohen.

Colbert then said that this “technically makes Bolton a porn star. I look forward to ‘Big Johnny Walrus in ‘The Room Where It’s Slappin.'”

Then Colbert launched into his Trump impression to extend the gag. “Oh Johnny Walrus, I don’t know how I’m going to pay for this dirt on Joe Biden. So, I need you to do us a favor though…” Colbert joked.

Colbert also got into Trump’s accusation that the book contains classified information and revealed that he has an advance copy of the book since he’ll be interviewing Bolton next week. Colbert then admitted he hasn’t read it yet, and suggest he and the audience find out what’s in it “together.” He then opened up some pages and pretended to reveal some weird secrets. Among them, “So that’s how the turkey earned his pardon.”

See the whole monologue at the top of the page. The Bolton stuff begins about 6 minutes in.