Colbert Initiates Emergency Protocols After Trump Announces ‘All Is Well’ With Iran (Video)

“I’m happy to announce: It’s not world war III!” host of “The Late Show” jokes

Stephen Colbert was both relieved and completely freaked out on Wednesday’s “The Late Show” in response to what might be a cooling of tensions between the U.S. and Iran and Donald Trump’s assurances that “all is well.” Luckily, he had a non-disaster preparedness plan already in place.

“I’m happy to announce: It’s not world war III,” Colbert joked during his opening monologue. But, he continued, “here’s the thing. It’s not world war III, and that’s wonderful. But it’s not like nothing happened.”

Colbert was of course talking about the assassination of Iranian general Qasem Soleimani by a U.S. military drone strike last week, on the orders of Donald Trump. In the days since, rhetoric from Iran and from Trump has been increasingly bellicose. Then on Tuesday night, Iran launched missile strikes against airbases housing U.S. forces. After which something strange happened: Trump issued a statement attempting to reassure people that this doesn’t mean a war is breaking out.

“All is well! Missiles launched from Iran at two military bases located in Iraq. Assessment of casualties & damages taking place now. So far, so good!,” Trump tweeted. “We have the most powerful and well equipped military anywhere in the world, by far! I will be making a statement tomorrow morning.” (Trump has since essentially said he considers the matter settled for now.)

“Well there it is, there it is,” Colbert said. “Now you know. So important. Right there in black and white, reassurance from the commander-in-chief that there is absolutely nothing to-” at which point a loud alarm began blaring as a sign behind Colbert said “ALL IS WELL.”

“Oh no, it’s ‘The Late Show’s ‘All Is Well’ alarm,” Colbert said in a comedic panic. He then asked his bandleader Jon Batiste to “get the happiness football,” a parody of the so-called “nuclear football” that U.S. presidents carry around at all times. Colbert and Batiste inserted keys into the device at the same time, causing the alarm to stop.

“It’s OK folks,” a relieved Colbert said. “We’ve achieved Defcon Fine.” Zing!

Watch the clip below:

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