Stephen Colbert is beating the New York Post to the ridiculous headline punch, just in case it turns out that ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is actually dead. The bad guy is believed to have been killed — or at least injured — in a recent U.S. airstrike, but his location and fate has yet to be confirmed.
“Yes — we maybe got you, sucka,” Colbert taunted Tuesday. “Rest in … Possibly.”
Colbert is (theoretically) pumped about the (hypothetical) bringing-to-justice and wants us to take “the champagne to room temperature, so it is ready to chill if that proves necessary,” he suggested.
“And while I, of course, would like to know for certain that the monster who promised to turn New York into an ash heap is deceased, at least this uncertainty gives our tabloids time to stock up on their zinger headlines,” the Comedy Central host said, finding the silver lining.
Just don’t steal Colbert’s: “AL-BAGH-DEAD-Y,” “BODY BAG-DADI,” “MUCH ABU ABOUT NOTHING,” “ABU GOES THE DIE-NAMITE,” “LET’S CALIPH THE WHOLE THING OFF,” and “BAKR ‘NOT’ TO THE FUTURE.”
Watch the video below.
