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Conan: I’m Pregnant With Jay’s Baby!

OK, he’s not. But O’Brien finally sounds off on what he calls the late-night madness during Firday night’s monologue.

 Conan O’Brien came out swinging Friday night, tackling the late-night craziness swirling around him with a series of sharp quips.

"We’ve got a great show for you tonight. I have no idea what time it will air – but it’s going to be a great show," O’Brien said at the start of his monologue, according to a transcript from NBC.

Other jokes:

–"I’m sure you’ve heard all the rumors. NBC has come up with an exciting new idea, they want me to follow Jay Leno."

–"I had a weird day. When I got to work this morning there was a 1923 Dusenberg parked in my spot." (Leno is a well-known classic car nut).

–"I do have to let you know that until this whole thing is sorted out NBC lawyers have asked me to refer to this program as ‘The Sometime-at-Night Show With Some White Guy’."

O’Brien then went into his normal news-of-the-day routine before coming back around to The Crisis. Noting all the speculation going around, O’Brien rattled off a list of rumors — none of them serious, of course:

-The Jay Leno show is going to be canceled.
-Jay is moving back to 11:30 and I’m moving to midnight.
-Both of our shows will be on at 11:30 running simultaneously in split screen.
-The Tonight Show will be an iPhone app and the Jay Leno show will become an Xbox game.
-Jay and I are quitting both of our shows and co-starring in a new buddy cop drama called ‘Coco And The Chin’.
-Jay and I will be joining the cast of “Jersey Shore” as a new character called ‘The Awkward Situation.’
-I’m pregnant with Jay’s baby.
-Jay’s pregnant with my baby.
-We’re both pregnant with Tiger Woods’ babies.
-NBC is going to throw me and Jay in a pit with sharpened sticks. The one who crawls out gets to leave NBC.

Prefer your late-night jokes Jay style? Here’s video of tonight’s Leno monologue: