Bruce Willis was in the center of the bull’s eye during “The Comedy Central Roast” Sunday night, but it was Dennis Rodman who took a lot of the hits and was ultimately KO’d.
Along with Willis’ ex-wife Demi Moore and former “Moonlighting” leading lady Cybill Shepherd, NBA superstar and Kim Jong Un pal Rodman took the podium to throw some good-natured jabs. But first, he wanted to respond to the sass sent in his direction.
Among those who had dissed Rodman were comedian Nikki Glaser, who said it was fun to meet someone with “whatever illness Roseanne has but in a giant black man,” and Martha Stewart, who said, “When I look at Dennis, I immediately think of the ‘N-word': nuclear war.”
But it wasn’t until Rodman took the podium that things really went South for him. He began commenting on the jokes, only for a stage manager to appear from the wings to adjust the way-too-low mic, and ask Rodman to start over. Awk-ward.
Rodman told Stewart that the next time she is sent to prison she should call him because, “I will secure your release.” He was referencing the release of American detainees from North Korean because he was reported as helping with that. Sort of. The joke flatlined, to which Rodman said, “I’m f—ing drunk.”
As joke after joke landed with a thud, he laughed quietly, “OK, on with the show.”
The former NBA star reminded the audience that telling jokes was new for him, saying, “Let me get through this.” And he did, with his joke about Willis being not-so-bad: “You keep making these bomb movies. But guess what? So does Kim Jong Un. But at least Kim is smart enough not to release his.”
Comedian Jeff Ross, who took the stage next, couldn’t help taking a final jab: “Give it up for our next secretary of state, Dennis Rodman!”
10 Best Jabs at Bruce Willis in Comedy Central's Roast, From Demi Moore to Cybill Shepherd (Photos)
Whether it be jokes about his follically challenged head, his so-so music career or his aging-action-hero persona, Bruce Willis took it like a man when he became the latest target of a Comedy Central roast. His ex-wife picked on him, as did his former leading lady and even an NBA star. Here are the best jokes of the night... including a couple by the man of the hour himself.
Getty Images
“Bruce Willis is what you get if you drain the white part of Dwayne Johnson.” -- "Looper" co-star and roast master Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Getty Images
“I look at our marriage like 'The Sixth Sense.' You were dead the whole time.” -- ex-wife Demi Moore
Getty Images
"Hollywood wouldn’t be Hollywood if they didn’t reward a man for aging into mediocrity." ... AND ... “On 'Moonlighting,' I played a former model, which I was, and Bruce played an asshole, which he is." -- "Moonlighting" co-star Cybill Shepherd
Getty Images
“Bruce and I live in the same town of Bedford. He has a beautiful house and the interior design is amazing. He wanted everything inside to look mid-century modern, except his new wife.” -- Martha Stewart
Getty Images
“This is a real personal moment for me, to be here roasting my dead cousin’s second-favorite action star. You had an amazing action film career until Jason Statham started balding.” -- Nikki Glaser
Getty Images
"If you wanted to be humiliated, clearly we both know you could’ve just released another singing album.” -- Kevin Pollak
Getty Images
“Comedy Central roasts only the best people. Bruce, Donald Trump, that guy from 'Baywatch.'” -- Dom Irrera
Getty Images
“I can’t wait to see your next project, 'Die Hard 6: Natural Causes.'” -- Jeff Ross
Getty Images
"You keep making these bomb movies. But guess what? So does Kim Jong Un. But at least Kim is smart enough not to release his." -- Dennis Rodman
Getty Images
And, of course, Willis punched back: “Joseph played a younger me in 'Looper.' He couldn’t pull it off. There is one actor who successfully played me. It was Demi Moore.”
Getty Images
“Cybill, it’s so great to be back on TV with you, honey, on another show starring me.” -- Bruce Willis
1 of 12
”Die Hard“ superstar took it like a man when he became the latest target of jokes
Whether it be jokes about his follically challenged head, his so-so music career or his aging-action-hero persona, Bruce Willis took it like a man when he became the latest target of a Comedy Central roast. His ex-wife picked on him, as did his former leading lady and even an NBA star. Here are the best jokes of the night... including a couple by the man of the hour himself.