Following a musical opening proclaiming that he’d locked himself in a bunker and watched “every damn show” that is nominated, Emmys host Andy Samberg took to the stage to deliver a monologue that was heavy on laughs and clever wit.
From jokes about presidential candidates Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders to this year’s nominees Amy Schumer and Jon Hamm, the “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” actor jumped between ribbing the stars to touching on the day’s current events.
Read 11 of Samberg’s best jokes below.
“Seriously – between Bill Cosby and Jared Fogle and Robert Durst stealing that sandwich, it’s not a good year for guys who like hoagies.”
“‘Orange Is the New Black’ is now technically a drama, while ‘Louie’ is now technically jazz.”
“Another change this year, if your speech goes too long, tonight instead of the orchestra, you’re going to have to deal with the mean nun from ‘Game of Thrones.’ So keep those speeches tight.”
“The big story this year is diversity. This is the most diverse group of Emmy nominees in history. Congratulations, Hollywood. You did it. Racism is over. Don’t fact check that.”
“Donald Trump of course is running for president to the delight of uncles everywhere. I’ve gotta say, sure Donald Trump seems racist … What else?”
“Is it just me, or does Bernie Sanders always look like his flight is delayed?”
“Paula Deen is on this season of ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ But I gotta say, if I wanted to see an intolerant lady dance, I would’ve gone to one of Kim Davis’ four weddings.”
“It’s been a year of goodbyes. We said goodbye to ‘Mad Men’ and ‘Parks and Recreation.’ And we also said goodbye to ‘True Detective,’ even though it’s still on the air.”
“After the success of ‘Better Call Saul,’ I’m sure Jon Hamm will be nominated for the upcoming prequel, ‘Dick Whitman, Horny Hobo.'”
“Amy Schumer is nominated tonight, and I gotta say, Schumer is really, really funny. You know, for a person.”
“Uzo Aduba is here. She’s nominated for her role in ‘Orange Is the New Black,’ which was a comedy last year, but a drama this year. As a result, Uzo has a chance to make history as the first person since Ed Asner to win a drama and comedy Emmy for the same character, further proving my theory that Uzo Aduba is the new Ed Asner.”
“Allison Janney can also make history tonight. With a win for supporting actress, she would move into second place all-time in acting wins, tying Ed Asner and affirming what I’ve always said. That Allison Janney is the new Ed Asner and the old Uzo Aduba.”
Watch the monologue below