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Fire the Timekeeper!

You know, for a show whose producers are obviously worried about time issues, they sure did let Seacrest drone on and on, coming up with adjectives for the judges’ personalities. Then Seacrest and Simon went back and forth, explaining that because of said time issues, only two judges would critique each contestant, which meant only […]

You know, for a show whose producers are obviously worried about time issues, they sure did let Seacrest drone on and on, coming up with adjectives for the judges’ personalities.

Then Seacrest and Simon went back and forth, explaining that because of said time issues, only two judges would critique each contestant, which meant only half the contestants would hear from Simon, the only judge whose opinion carries any weight. (And who made it very clear he was not happy with this new time-saving plan.)

 

How did they ever go seven seasons without all these time issues?

Oh, we also had time to learn that Quentin Tarantino likes music. He even uses music in his films. We, apparently, did not have time to decipher how this qualifies him as a guest mentor.

Allison Iraheta: Sometimes sounds like a female version of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler (It’s the raspy cigarettes & booze voice), so it was surprising to me how (relatively) weak her performance of “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” was. Even more surprising was how much Simon and Paula ate it up. Yes, she’s the only female hope left in the competition. But she has been the strongest girl all along. Did it really take getting rid of Megan freakin’ (Joy) Corkrey for them to realize that? Put her up against Lil Rounds and there’s no contest.

Anoop Desai: Did not get injured (thank God!) when Quentin Tarantino “directed” him with scary “rough it up” punches. He’s truly found his niche, namely love songs like last night’s “Everything I Do I Do It For You.” It brought me back to my early ‘90s high school dances. Anoop, do you have a date for Sadie Hawkins yet?

Adam Lambert: Had a “taste” that Tarantino “really enjoyed” — Quentin’s quote, not mine. Glambert was back to the screech-singing that America seems to be so fond of on “Born to Be Wild.” Have you missed the excessive guyliner? It’s back! There was even a leather jacket — what’s more “wild” than that? Simon’s critique was right on the money — last week’s performance of “Mad World” was far superior. Ha! Too bad the DVR crowd never got to see it!

Matt Giraud: Like Anoop, he chose a Bryan Adams song, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman? Randy mentioned problems with the bridge but was too nice to get into specifics — namely that Giraud’s voice actually cracked twice, and he went flat. (But he did it all while playing the piano and lookin’ good!) While the judges have lauded people like Glambert and even Giraud himself in the past for making songs “their own,” tonight they chastised Matt for taking liberties with the melody. Seriously, make up your minds, people!

Danny Gokey: Sang yet another poignant ballad. “Endless Love” was very effective in reminding us that he should get the sympathy vote. (Did you know that he’s a widow?) He even took the glasses off; all the better for us to see his misty eyes! Simon applauded his “courage” or whatever but wished he had done a more cutting edge version. Between the conflicting “don’t mess with such a classic song” and “where is your ‘artistry’?” comments, it’s a wonder these kids have the guts to pick anything at all.

Kris Allen: The cutie is no dummy. He was a handsome guy singing a haunting song that everyone loves, “Falling Slowly” from “Once.” You could almost HEAR the girls swooning. Randy was not a fan, but I have to agree with Kara, who said it was one of his best yet. If Allen were not such a good singer, I’d say he could sail through on looks alone. Lucky for him, he’s got the whole package (except for “availability; seriously, Kris, lose the wife).

Lil Rounds: Lil has a fan in Tarantino. Perhaps he will vote for her 30,000 times and keep her in the competition. She massacred “The Rose” with her excessive gospel adlibs. I think I might finally get what they’ve been saying about leaving a classic song alone. Simon said she was out of excuses. Lil started to talk back and then … the DVR cut off!

Luckily, after last week, I had the foresight to record “Fringe” — these “time issues” are a great marketing ploy, Fox! Lil asserted that she tried to add her “artistry” to the song by making it gospel. Ugh. Maybe it’s time to find a new set of paints, Lil.

I predict that Lil will be in trouble tonight. I also predict that the ratings for “Fringe” will be up and that someone will get fired for the “time issues.” (I hope it’s Seacrest!) Perhaps if they hadn’t spent so much time talking about the time issues, the show would not have gone over … two weeks in a row.

Let’s hope that tonight’s results show cuts Miley Cyrus off.