First Impression of ‘The Bachelorette’? No Rose.

If the first episode of “The Bachelorette” is all about first impressions, then both the show, as well as Jillan Harris’ choice of which guys to keep, failed to make the grade. I had semi-high hopes for the fifth season of the show, which features Canadian-born Harris as the Bachelorette. Harris’ infectious personality shines through, […]

Last Updated: May 20, 2009 @ 6:07 PM

If the first episode of “The Bachelorette” is all about first impressions, then both the show, as well as Jillan Harris’ choice of which guys to keep, failed to make the grade.

I had semi-high hopes for the fifth season of the show, which features Canadian-born Harris as the Bachelorette. Harris’ infectious personality shines through, and it’s apparent that all of the male contestants would be willing to sell their souls to be her chosen one.

But given her choices so far, it’s not looking too good, even with that radiant personality.

Let’s go through some of the guys she picked. There’s Tanner P, the dude with the severe foot fetish. One of the first things out of this guy’s mouth is, “Hopefully I can see Jillian’s feet.” Dude! You haven’t even been with her alone for a whole minute and all you’re thinking about is getting her out of her shoes?

 

Perhaps it was just the al-al-al-al-alcohol, but Jillian was more than willing to shed the shoes and dip them in a pool. The producers indulged in Tanner P’s fantasy and lingered on her feet for a bit too long for us non-foot-fetishists.

And speaking of first impressions, there’s David, the guy who was utterly flustered and essentially rendered speechless when he greeted her for the first time outside the limo. Jillian incorrectly deduced that his second impression was really his first, so she gave him the First Impression Rose. Oops.

My wife and I have also already come up with the Jillian Harris Drinking Game: Each time she says “cool” or “totally,” you’ve gotta drink up. Even starting halfway through the show, both of us were practically hammered by the time all the roses were handed out. C’mon Jillian, you’re a smart girl from Canada. No need to get all Valley Girl on us.

But I digress. It would be impossible to run down each of the 30 guys, and with only a few minutes at most of camera time per dude, we can’t get a strong enough feel for who should stay or go. But there’s no doubt that several of Jillian’s top 20 are pretty high up on the cheese factor.

Two who stand out most with the most fromage are Wes, who appeared to have plucked a guitar out of thin air and played for her, and Juan, who the producers obviously agree is cheesy — given their choice of Spanish porn music as he exited the limo. And in a class of cheese all his own is Mike, who threw a ball at her on their initial encounter and asked her to catch.

When Jillian caught the ball, he says, “You really ARE a great catch.” I can’t make this up. The worst part of this story? She gives the guy a rose!

Will Jillian make up for her seemingly poor choices in the coming weeks? Time will tell, but I’m not holding my breath.
 

Mark Stone is a freelance entertainment writer living in Kelowna, BC, Canada. He is the managing editor of DailyBrainCandy.com and author of "Behind the Screen: Hacking Hollywood."