1. Had a direwolf killed.
When Joffrey first met the Starks, he tried to show off to Sansa by cutting the butcher boy’s face for daring to practice sword-fighting with Arya — even though Arya had asked the butcher’s boy to practice. Arya hit Joffrey to help the butcher’s boy, and Joffrey turned on her and called her the C-word while threatening to kill her. Her direwolf, Numeria attacked, as direwolves tend to do. So Joffrey demanded the direwolf die. Total bastard, right? But this was the least awful of his awful deeds.
2. Gave Sansa Stark away at her wedding — since her dad wasn’t available.
This one actually had a slight savoir faire, a really impeccable level of nastiness you kind of have to admire. Also, he demanded Sansa marry someone other than himself, which was nice, though not intentionally so. So this is Joffrey’s second-least-awful awful deed.
3. Cut out Marillion’s tongue
Marillion sang a mean song about his parents, so Joffrey made sure it would never happen again. He didn’t do the deed himself, of course. He made Ser Ilyn Payne sure bring the illin’ pain.
4. He ordered Ned Stark beheaded.
Ned liked to say that “the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.” But Joffrey had someone else do the be-Nedding. Beginning to see a pattern here? (Ned’s death, of course, was why he couldn’t be present for her wedding. We’re doing these out of order.)
5. He made Sansa look at her dad’s head on a post.
Ned Stark was a warrior. He knew what he was getting into. But Sansa’s only crime was being his daughter. Joffrey added a new level of awfulness when his mother told him he couldn’t beat Sansa — so he again had his knight do it.
6. Abandoned his men.
During the Battle of Blackwater, Joffrey fled like the coward he is to the Red Keep. His loss: He missed out on some gorgeous ‘splosions. But that didn’t stop him from later taking credit for — you’ll never guess — something someone else did for him. His uncle Tyrion saved King’s Landing and got none of the credit.
7. He ordered countless people killed when someone in a crowd threw a cow pie at him.
On the upside, many of those killed would have said it was worth it.
Honorable mention: During his wedding to Margaery, humiliated Tyrion
At least this time, Joffrey’s cruelty had a happy outcome.
Which of Joffrey’s many, many wretched deeds did we overlook? Let us know in the comments.