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Good Choice, Jake!

I want to say sorry to Vienna — I totally misread her, and judged her unfairly

Oh. My. God. After waiting for what seemed like a year for this season to end, it’s finally over, and I could not be happier with Jake’s decision. Tenley is out, and Vienna is in! Buckle up kids, and let the blogging begin.

We start off with the required recapping, as we listen to how Jake is in love with both women. Blah. Blah. Blah. Jake has his entire family there, and it’s fascinating to watch a piece of white bread turn into a loaf, right before your eyes. Did you see the hair on the women in his family? Did they not know they were being filmed? Get yourselves a hairbrush ladies, you’re on television! Jake does a complete disservice to Vienna, by painting her as the girl that was not liked. Bad Jake.

Tenley meets the loaf of bread and she fits right in. Every loaf can use an extra slice I guess. I adore this girl, and she is going to be crushed when he dumps her, which he will. It makes everything she says, both romantic and pathetic. As was expected, Jake’s family loves Tenley. She makes them all cry, which is annoying because now we have a group of white bread that is wet, and soggy bread is gross. Jake’s mom and Tenley go out for a chat, and guess what? She talks about her divorce. 

Mom loves her. Sisters-in-law think she is the one. She is now outside with the dad, and she makes him cry again. There is a split second where I thought he drifted off, and was fantasizing about her. It was a little creepy, until she started talking about her divorce again, and Dad snaps out of it. Jake’s mom also tells him she is the one. Jake tells her Tenley does not know his crazy side. He grabs Tenley, and they jump in the pool with their clothes on. His brothers then jump in too. She is in a soaked sundress, being hugged by the 3 brothers. It was weird and awkward, especially when the sisters-in-law started to watch from the shallow end.

Vienna is coming! To be fair, I want to say sorry to Vienna. I totally misread her, and judged her unfairly, in the beginning. I was unkind and I’m truly sorry. She has been growing on me for weeks, and now it’s official. I love this chick, and want her to win the man in the end. She sits with the family and they immediately dislike her. They all have attitudes, and are being pissy and mean. The women in Jake’s family are just like Ali, and the girls from the house. I’m not digging how they are treating our little Vienna.

The sisters are picking her apart, but I can’t focus on what they are saying because I am too distracted by their hair. Seriously ladies, buy a brush. Mom takes Jake off for a little chat. She is going to get to the bottom of what is going on with him and Vienna. The mom is a little obsessed with all the sisters-in-law getting along. She is more worried about how much they will like her, over how much Jake will like her. Jake is torn because he knows it’s not happening for his mom and Vienna. It’s sad because he screwed Vienna over with his family, by being so negative before they even met her.

Vienna is now with the sisters-in-law and they are being mean. It’s like watching Ali and Kathryn attack her back at the house. They are hitting her with ridiculous questions, but she is holding her own, and being herself. Vienna is back with the mom now, and mommy dearest is just horrible. She is asking stupid questions, about stupid things, and I find myself feeling very protective of Vienna. The sisters-in-law are now crying, and feeling guilty about judging her. Whatever. The spun like a dime and have crocodile tears just like Ali.

Why is it that girls can be so mean, then cry, and expect everyone to forget that they were just disgusting? Mean girls can suck it. Mom asks Vienna what she will do if there is a problem, and Jake is not there. Vienna responds that she will be ok because she will have his family. Bravo! Mom won over! Jake keeps talking about how he loves both women, and it’s such a waste of time because we can see it’s just not true. He has magic with Vienna, and with Tenley it’s just not there. This show could have skipped over all the gibberish by Jake about loving everyone, and gotten the job done in an hour.

We watch Vienna and Jake make out in the mud for a painfully long time and it gets boring. Cut to Vienna and Jake having their last date together. They talk about her marriage, her dad, and her past. The thing is, there is a squeaking in the background that is insane. Is it a bird? I can’t take it, and have now muted. Blah. Blah. Blah. Vienna gives Jake the promise ring her dad gave her, as a symbol of her being ready for real love. It’s a sweet gesture, and she becomes more endearing with each minute. She appears to be giving a heartfelt speech, but the squeaking is back, so I’m muted again. She’s crying, and I assume feeling scared and vulnerable.

Last date with Tenley, and it’s weird that she is so sure he is the one for her. Clearly she sees something that we are not seeing, because for me, he is just not that into her. They are on a boat, and it’s painful to watch. He is not feeling it, and actually tells her that there is no sexual chemistry. Ouch. How can he tell her this, when he knows that her husband left her, after sleeping with another woman? I thought it was selfish, so shame on you Jake. She compares his not having sexual chemistry to her husband, and we are back taking about her divorcee. I can’t have her be the Bachelorette. Months of listening about her divorce will simply do me in.

Jake comes over and she wants to talk about their lack of sexual chemistry. The squeaking is back. Are they kidding? Is it a fan? TURN IT OFF! He is spewing about how great she is, and dancing around the fact that he is just not feeling her. She likes dancing, so maybe she won’t notice. Tenley is talking about their incredible physical chemistry, and I’m just dying for her. She is desperate for affection, and I want to tell her to stop and run away. Poor thing. She just does not see it, because she is so focused on finding love, that she is seeing things that are not there.

It’s finally time for the final rose, and Tenley is up first, which means she’s getting dumped. She is talking about how much she loves him, and is convinced she is going to be the one. Honestly Tenley, pay attention Sweetheart. It’s not happening for you Honey. Jake begins to kick her to the curb, and she makes the most heartbreaking face. She gives the classiest “you are breaking my heart” speech ever. In the middle of her pain, she thanks him for loving her, and showing her she could love again. Is this chick for real?

She is an angel, a Disney Princess, and Mother Theresa, all rolled into one. I honestly hope she meets someone fabulous, gets married, and has a bunch of kids. She is a lady. Bravo Tenley. You were wonderful, and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Vienna arrives for the final rose, and she looks great. I am convinced that she sincerely loves Jake. She says she loves him because when she found him, she found herself. I am really happy for her. I am also not ashamed to say, when Jake says he loves her, drops to his knee, and asks her to marry him, I cried. I love this show. I ended up tolerating Jake, getting sucked in, and feeling that the only person that was right for him, was Vienna.

He made the best decision, and I’m looking forward to seeing him on "Dancing With the Stars." Mostly because Vienna will be there cheering him on, and I can’t wait to see her. I could not be happier that this season is over. As for Ali as the new Bachelorette, unless she calls me to say she is sorry for being mean, I’m out, and not watching.

Call me Ali. I’m trying to be happy for you, but it’s hard. I’ll blog about you, but it’s going to take a call. You decide.

Ilana Angel is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. She is author of the "Keeping the Faith" singles blog for the Los Angeles Jewish Journal. You can follow her at www.Twitter.com/ilanaangel.