Stephen Colbert got his hands on Jeff Sessions’ 2016 daily planner, which reads pretty much exactly how you thought it might.
The Attorney General’s year kicked off with a (presumably) innocent meeting with the Russian ambassador, per the Thursday “Late Show” cold open. Next thing you know, they’re playing squash together.
That, of course, gave way to karaoke, some sanctions discussions, and even a joint bear-adoption. That last endeavor would come back to haunt the two politicians and fast friends — and one random drifter.
How does one put a little mauling in the rear-view mirror? Well, if you’re like Sessions, it’s with a Demi Lovato-heavy mixtape and a Pentagon sleepover. But in the meantime, don’t forget to oppose all immigration. After all, that’s kind of your main task.
Watch the video above.
In real life, Sessions has denied communication with the Russian ambassador, though a Justice Department investigation found that to be untrue.
9 People Stopped at Airports Under Trump's Travel Ban (Photos)
On Jan. 27, President Donald Trump signed an executive order restricting travel from seven Muslim-majority countries. The ban is now tied up in courts, but Trump has announced plans for a new ban.
The first travel ban affected about 90,000 people. Here's an introduction to eight of them.
Muhammad Ali Jr.
Legendary boxer Muhammad Ali's son and his mother were stopped by immigration officials at the Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport.
CNN
Khalilah Camacho-Ali was let go after showing officials a photo of her and her then-husband Muhammad Ali, but Muhammad Ali, Jr. was questioned for an hour and 45 minutes, according to the Los Angeles Times.
We can't say conclusively why the Alis were stopped, but the family's lawyer said that the officials kept asking Ali Jr. about his religion. (The elder Ali is pictured here with President George W. Bush, receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom.)
Hameed Khalid Darweesh
Hameed Khalid Darweesh worked for over 10 years as an interpreter for the U.S government in Iraq.
According the the New York Times, Darweesh was detained at JFK airport for about 19 hours before he was allowed to enter the U.S.
“What I do for this country? They put the cuffs on,” Darweesh told the Times.
A 5-year-old boy
A 5-year-old boy was detained for a few hours at Washington Dulles International Airport.
According to the Independent, the boy is a U.S. citizen who lives with his Iranian mother in Maryland and was traveling with another family member at the time.
“To assume that just because of someone’s age and gender that they don’t pose a threat would be misguided and wrong,” said White House press secretary Sean Spicer.
Areej Ali
The 33-year-old software developer, a green-card holder, was detained in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and again in Los Angeles. She said she was returning from her sister's wedding in Sudan.
Her family found a lawyer who noted that the ban did not apply to people with green cards, according to the Daily Bulletin.
Fusion
Mazdak Tootkaboni and Arghavan Louhghalam
This husband and wife are associate professors at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, and both are permanent residents of the United States, but are Iranian in nationality.
According to the Guardian, the two professors were coming back from a conference in France when they were stopped at Boston's Logan airport and questioned for four hours before being released.
Getty
Sidd Bikkannavar
The U.S.-born Muslim scientist says he was detained under President Trump’s travel ban and forced by border agents to unlock his NASA-issued phone.
Bikkannavar is an employee at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory and was coming back from a trip in Patagonia when he was detained. Patagonia is a region in Argentina and Chile -- neither of which are among the countries covered by the travel ban.
YouTube
Khanon Mahindokht Azad
According to the Guardian, Khanon Mahindokht Azad is a 78-year-old Iranian grandmother who visits the U.S. every now and then to see her kids -- who are U.S. citizens.
After 27 hours of being detained at LAX, she was finally allowed into the country.
Getty
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From a legendary boxer’s son to a 5-year-old boy to a woman visiting her grandkids
On Jan. 27, President Donald Trump signed an executive order restricting travel from seven Muslim-majority countries. The ban is now tied up in courts, but Trump has announced plans for a new ban.
The first travel ban affected about 90,000 people. Here's an introduction to eight of them.
CNN
