John Oliver‘s HBO show “Last Week Tonight” may be on hiatus until July 24, but the British comic delivered a brief message to fans to recognize Independence Day.
“Or as they call where I’m from, July the 4th — and that’s it,” Oliver began.
“Since 1776, you’ve done very well as a nation, but it might be worth thinking about just a handful of things that you gave up when kicking Britain unceremoniously out of this country,” he said.
He first noted the weirdness of American accents. “You speak like you just burned your tongue on a hot apple pie,” he said.
“You are also missing out on bowler hats,” he said, “which are perfect for dressing your head like a circumcised velvet penis.”
Oliver went on to note America’s sacrifices in terms of cuisine (“meat pies”), pessimism and weather (“Just look at the British sky itself — even the sun is incapable of asserting there”).
He then concluded with a jab at Queen Elizabeth, whom he dubbed “an elderly woman who frowns for a living.
July 4th TV Guide: What to Watch Before Fireworks Explode (Photos)
As the 4th of July rolls around, what better way to celebrate American independence than by watching marathons of your favorite shows and fireworks displays on TV? Lucky for you, TheWrap has you covered!
"Jaws" movie marathon, 1 p.m on AMC Just when you thought it was safe to watch a movie marathon, AMC will air the entire "Jaws" franchise.
Universal
"Baywatch" Marathon, 11 a.m. on Pop Beautiful people in tight swimsuits run in slow motion on a beach in this classic 90s series.
NBC
"Veep" marathon, 2:30 p.m. on HBO2 Julia Louis-Dreyfus does her best not to run the country into the ground.
HBO
"The Simpsons" marathon, 6 p.m. on FXX Everyone deserves to spend quality time with Springfield's first family.
Fox
"Homeland" marathon, 8 a.m. on Showtime Claire Danes uses espionage to protect your freedom, you ingrate.
Showtime
"Blue Bloods" marathon, 9 a.m. on WGN America Tom Selleck keeps order in a family full of cops using his wits and mustache
CBS
"American Ninja Warrior" marathon, 7 a.m. on Esquire Highly-trained athletes complete challenging obstacle courses. Or total schlubs fall and bust their butts. Either way, it's fun to watch.
NBC
"Shark Tank" marathon, 1 p.m. on CNBC Aspiring entrepreneurs pitch their best ideas to a panel of business experts.
ABC
"Three Stooges" marathon, 6 a.m. on IFC Larry, Moe, and Curly took slapstick to a whole new level in these classic comedy shorts.
Columbia Pictures
"The Andy Griffith Show" marathon, 9 a.m. on TV Land Andy spends most of his time philosophizing and calming down his cousin in a small town in North Carolina.
TV Land
"NCIS" marathon, 7 a.m on USA Network Not even a day long marathon could totally catch you up on the 13 seasons of this procedural favorite.
CBS
"Criminal Minds" marathon, 9 a.m. on Ion Profilers analyze dangerous criminal minds in an effort to anticipate their next moves.
CBS
"Idris Elba: No Limits" marathon, 7 p.m. on Discovery Channel The international film star indulges his passion for speed in this racing miniseries.
Discovery
"Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks", 7 p.m. on NBC The annual fireworks display over the East River will light up the sky.
NBC
"A Capitol Fourth", 8 p.m. on PBS Watch the Capitol's firework extravaganza from the West Lawn of the White House.
PBS
"Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular," 9 p.m. on CBS Founded in by Arthur Fiedler in 1929, this is one of the best-attended Independence Day celebrations in the country with estimated crowds of 200,000-500,000 people.
Getty Images
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From ”The Simpsons“ to ”Homeland,“ TheWrap helps you pick day-long marathons viewing this Independence Day
As the 4th of July rolls around, what better way to celebrate American independence than by watching marathons of your favorite shows and fireworks displays on TV? Lucky for you, TheWrap has you covered!