Excited for the World Cup?
John Oliver has some bad news for you.
Don’t be mistaken; the “Last Week Tonight” host is a massive soccer fan — this reporter has spoken with him about his fanatic love of Liverpool FC — but as a consumer of news and morally decent person, he is conflicted about the upcoming World Cup in Brazil.
Sure, he is amped to watch the games (his England has a decent chance this year!), but learning more about how the event is put together very much violates his “sausage principle,” which states that one should never learn what lurks within their favorite pleasures. As it turns out, it’s corruption and swindling the public out of billions of dollars that’s stuffed inside the World Cup’s casing, making for a juicy-but-evil treat.
“Think of money as pubic hair, and FIFA as wax,” Oliver said, using an analogy that Brazilians would no doubt understand. “They’re going to be all over you during the World Cup, but when they go, they’re taking all the money with them — including some from places you didn’t even know you had any money, leaving you teary eyed, going, ‘Jesus, what happened?! I’m never doing this again.'”