A guest “licensed in unfunny” joined Stephen Colbert to help him be more “balanced” when talking about Donald Trump on “The Late Show” Monday night, but the scales couldn’t be stopped from tipping against the president.
Former “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart joined Colbert on stage in response to Trump’s recent tweet addressing “unfunny” late night hosts and demanding for equal time. Stewart was supposed to provide balance to Colbert’s usual anti-Trump jokes, but ended up only being able to compliment Trump for “not being a cannibal.”
When Colbert tossed over to Stewart to say something positive, he whispered in his ear, “Can I have more time?”
Finally he mustered, “Donald Trump… is not a cannibal.”
“Given the choice between having hot lava poured into my pee hole and Donald Trump being president,” Stewart managed next. “I choose lav…” Colbert interrupted, reminding him to be positive, and Stewart finished “… the latter.”
Stewart really went off over Trump’s “calm before the storm” comment last week. He gathered reporters to take a photo with several military leaders, and when reporters asked him what he meant, he said “you’ll find out.” Many are concerned he was talking about North Korea.
“What the f— is wrong with this guy?” Stewart said, unable to comprehend Trump’s cryptic remark, and also noting that there are “literal storms”–Hurricanes Harvey and Maria–whose aftermath is still affecting thousands of people.
“Why would you… ‘You’ll find out’? A cliffhanger, surrounded by military people?” Stewart continued, comparing Trump’s comment to one of Chris Harrison’s cliffhangers on “The Bachelor.” “You’ll find out? Oh, will Trump give humanity the rose? Will civilization make it to the fantasy suite? And ‘calm before the storm’? Is that what he was saying? Calm before the storm?”
“How is all this not the storm? This is all the storm,” he went on. “And what kind of sociopath would use that terminology while people are still cleaning up from literal storms?”
Finally, Stewart asked Colbert to be the one to say nice things about Trump, but Colbert also needed to ask for more time. Eventually, he could only agree that POTUS is not a cannibal.
Watch the full clip above.
34 'Daily Show With Jon Stewart' Correspondents and Contributors (Photos)
In honor of Stewart's retirement from Comedy Central's "Daily Show" on Aug. 6, here's a look at the dream team who helped make the best fake news program on TV a hit.
Comedy Central
Lewis Black (1996 - ) The "Back in Black" contributor has been there from the start.
Miriam Tolan (2000-2001) Tolan starred in "The Heat" and "The Dictator."
Comedy Central
Matt Walsh (2001-2002) Walsh appeared on "News You Can Utilize" and "Dollars and Cents" before graduating to HBO's "Veep."
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Lauren Weedman (2001-2002) Weedman appeared on Dollars and Cents" and "We Love Showbiz" segments.
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Mary Birdsong (2002)
Birdsong had a brief stint as contributor.
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Rob Corddry (2002-2006) Corddry appeared on "This Week in God" and "Come On!" segments before wading into "Childrens Hospital," two "Hot Tub Time Machine" movies and HBO's "Ballers."
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Ed Helms (2002-2006)
Helms recently starred in the 2015 comedy "Vacation."
Warner Bros.
Rachael Harris (2002-2003) Harris appeared in "Mark Your Calendar" and "We Love Showbiz."
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Samantha Bee (2003-2015) Bee, who married her castmate Jason Jones, has one of the show's longest runs as correspondent.
TBS
Bob Wiltfong (2004-2005) Wiltfong also appeared on Dave Chappelle's show and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien."
Comedy Central
Dan Bakkedahl (2005-2007) Bakkedahl was initially hired to replace Colbert.
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Jason Jones (2005-2015) The husband of Samantha Bee famously appeared in "Are You Prepared?!?" and "Jason Jones 180" segments.
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Nate Corddry (2005-2006)
The younger brother of Rob was one half of the show's "Brother vs. Brother" segments.
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Dan Bakkedahl (2005-2007) Bakkedahl was hired to replace Stephen Colbert.
Comedy Central
Rob Riggle (2006-2008) Riggle was the senior military affairs correspondent.
E! Network
John Oliver (2006-2013) After serving as Senior British Person and filling in for Stewart for several months as host, Oliver left to helm his own show, "Last Week Tonight" on HBO.
Comedy Central
John Hodgman (2006- ) Hodgman recurs as the show's Resident Expert and Deranged Millionaire.
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Aasif Mandvi (2006- ) Mandvi remains the Senior Middle East Correspondent.
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Larry Wilmore (2006-2014) Wilmore served as the Senior Black Correspondent before leaving to host Comedy Central's "The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore."
Comedy Central
Wyatt Cenac (2008-2012) Cenac was a senior correspondent who voiced the puppet version of former Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele.
Jordan Klepper (2014 - ) Klepper serves as the Senior Caucasian Correspondent.
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Hasan Minhaj (2014 - ) Minhaj is the show's Senior Indian Correspondent.
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Steve Carell, Jessica Williams, Lewis Black and Olivia Munn have all worked with Stewart during his 16-year run as host
In honor of Stewart's retirement from Comedy Central's "Daily Show" on Aug. 6, here's a look at the dream team who helped make the best fake news program on TV a hit.