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Kimmel Imagines How Celebrities Will Look Once the Coronavirus Quarantine Is Over and It’s Not Pretty (Video)

Except Gwyneth Paltrow; she’ll be fine

In his opening monologue on Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel took a break from explaining the myriad ways he thinks President Donald Trump is not doing a good job managing the coronavirus crisis, to imagine what famous people are going to look like once it’s finally over.

Of course, before he got there Kimmel touched on some of the crazier recent events, and also his own life. For instance, Kimmel talked about how thrilled he was to have finally received a shipment of toilet paper. “This is the closest I’ll ever get to winning the Powerball,” he joked. “I’m so excited to have all this toilet paper, I don’t even want to use it.”

He also talked about Vice President Mike Pence’s baffling decision not to wear a mask during his Mayo Clinic visit as well as his dubious claim he wasn’t told he needed to wear a mask inside a hospital (something the Mayo Clinic disputes). Then he talked about some recent Trump statements about this mess. And then he got to the bit about how celebrities will look after the quarantine ends.

“After a month and a half without regular grooming — we’re all starting to look a little rough right now,” Kimmel said, claiming that his show “invested in the most advanced digital imaging system available” to make some predictions.

For instance, he predicted that Julia Roberts will end up looking like the character Gimli from “The Lord of the Rings.” Then he predicted that Anderson Cooper will end up looking like Mike Pence.

Katy Perry, meanwhile, will resemble Joe Exotic, Kimmel joked, while Dakota Fanning will look like Exotic’s nemeis, Carole Baskin. Kimmel also made predictions about Justin Bieber, the Olsen twins, Johnny Depp and Kellyanne Conway, all of whom will apparently look very much worse for the wear in a few months. But he had some good news for one celebrity.

“And Gwyneth Paltrow will look… exactly the same. She will look perfect,” Kimmel joked. “That Goop stuff works.”

He ended the bit by predicting how hideous he’ll look once this is over. See the result, and the rest of the monologue, in the video above.