Jimmy Kimmel briefly dropped the jokes during his monologue on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in order to urge people to vote against Republicans and protect abortion rights in America. But before things got too heavy, he lightened the mood with a fake commercial for a new Christmas toy that illustrates what life might be like for women if Republicans succeed.
Hence “Birth Con-Troll,” a troll toy that enforces oppressive anti-abortion laws. You can watch that, along with the whole monologue, above right now – and if you want to skip right to the fake ad, it begins around 8 minutes, 36 seconds in.
But before that, Kimmel talked about a couple who got engaged during a tailgating party, Netflix’s new ad-supported version, and yet another accusation of bigoted comments from Kanye West. And then, he got into talking about the mid term elections, which gave him an excuse to giggle about an extremely funny name.
Kimmel mentioned President Joe Biden’s most recent speech about the threat of rising anti-democracy movements in America, joking that things are bad. Biden talking about Trump felt like Gandalf talking about Sauron. ‘Tell your master the armies of Mordor must disband!’”
Then he moved on to a look at political ads as we get closer to the midterm election, playing one ad from Illinois that featured a regular voter whose name, really, is Dick Bigger Jr..
“No, we did not fool around with that. That is his name. Dick Bigger Jr,” Kimmel assured the audience. “He was named after Ted Cruz’s Google Search history. The crazy thing is, he’s a Junior. That means there’s an even bigger Dick Bigger out there.”
Then he got serious for a second: “This is an important election. Every American has the right to make a choice – unless you’re a woman in Texas, Arkansas, Alabama, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Wisconsin, Idaho, Kentucky, West Virginia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, or Louisiana. But this is why you have to vote.”
“You have to register and you have to vote if Republicans get control of Congress, they will almost certainly pass a nationwide ban on abortion. That is already happening in a number of states. And by Christmas time, every woman in America could be forced to own one of these,” he said, cueing up the fake ad.
“The new state rules on abortion are so confusing,” the ad begins. “What are you allowed to do with your body in your state? From the makers of Elf on a Shelf, it’s the Birth Con-Troll. The doll that makes sure your uterus stays in accordance with local laws.”
By now, the commercial reveals the Birth Con-Troll is a troll doll that looks a lot like ex-Republican Senator Jeff Sessions, which may or may not be a coincidence. Unfortunately, it turns out the doll can track when a woman is menstruating.
“I don’t want that,” the woman in the ad protests.
“It doesn’t matter what you want,” the narrator says. “The Birth Con-Troll has the legal authority to: Destroy your unsanctioned birth control pills; monitor your diet; cancel your IVF appointment; scan your private messages; investigate the contents of your stool; and so so so so so so so much f—ing more.”
That last bit was said as list of things that might actually happen in anti-abortion states scrolled down, among them “report you to the police,” “have you arrested,” and “get you sued.”
Like was said, watch the whole clip above.