Louis Tomlinson had conflicted feelings about commemorating One Direction’s 15th anniversary this summer in the wake of his bandmate Liam Payne’s death.
The English singer-songwriter addressed his internal struggle in a new interview with Rolling Stone U.K., where he acknowledged that it was important to honor Payne, but noted he was still struggling with his grief.
“It was really uncomfortable, actually, the 15th anniversary,” he told the outlet. “Because the [collective] feeling to celebrate is as important, if not more important than ever, on behalf of Liam.”
As he went on, Tomlinson shared how he felt “sick of nostalgia” on past anniversary celebrations for the beloved boy band, but it felt all the more heavy this time around — given Payne wasn’t able to be a part of the milestone.
“You know, there’s still a level in my head [where it feels] unjust and frustrating that he’s not with us anymore,” the “X Factor” alum continued. “So, it just brought up those feelings, although I’m still living with them anyway.”
Payne died at the age of 31 on October 16, 2024 after falling from a hotel balcony in Buenos Aires, Argentina. He was laid to rest the next month in a private funeral in England, and his former One Direction bandmates Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Harry Styles and Zayn Malik were all in attendance.
The five men formally became the internationally celebrated boy band One Direction on the U.K.’s “The X Factor” in July 2010. Fans have annually commemorated the moment with social media tributes, including this year, when the hashtags #HappyDirectionerDay and #15YearsOfOneDirection popped up online.
Yet, as Tomlinson further emphasized, he did not feel celebratory at the time. “It was really, really, impossibly difficult for me to deal with losing Liam,” he shared. “Naively, I thought that because at this point, I’m relatively well versed in grief for my age, that it might soften the blow. [That was] super-naive. It’s very different. I’ve never lost a friend before.”
Tomlinson has reconnected with his 1D bandmates following the loss of Payne. He’s set to star alongside Malik in a new road trip docu-series for Netflix.
There is no current release date for the show.
