You Don’t Want to Know Why Mario Kart Is Trending Right Now

Seems that Stormy Daniels’ tell-all really is just that

mario kart stormy daniels donald trump
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Mario Kart was trending on social media Tuesday — but not because of a new version of the classic video game.

In excerpts from her upcoming tell-all memoir, “Full Disclosure,” published by the Guardian, former porn star Stormy Daniels describes President Donald Trump’s private parts in cringeworthy detail from an extramarital affair she has said she had with the mogul in 2006.

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes, according to the Guardian. “I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f—ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d— like the mushroom character in Mario Kart …”

And in what could be a rebuke to an infamous line from Trump’s second wife, Marla Maples, Daniels adds, “It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

Trump has consistently denied having an affair with Daniels, though he has acknowledged reimbursing his personal attorney Michael Cohen for a $130,000 payment to Daniels on the eve of the 2016 election to keep quiet about her version of events.

Daniels (né Stephanie Clifford) has said that she continued to interact with Trump for more than a year after their first encounter in 2006 — one year after he married his third wife, Melania Trump — in hopes that he would make good on a promise to try to get her cast as a contestant on his NBC reality show, “Celebrity Apprentice.”

In another passage that the Guardian cites from her new book, Daniels says that Trump suggested that he might be able to help her go further in the competition by underhanded means: “He was going to have me cheat, and it was 100 percent his idea.”

“We’ll figure out a way to get you the challenges beforehand,” she quotes him as saying, according to the Guardian. “And we can devise your technique.”

The White House has not yet responded to requests for comment on Daniels’ latest accusations.

Needless to say, though, a lot of people have been grossed out by her new account.

Toad was also trending on Tuesday, as most users believe that is the Mario Kart character Daniels was referring to.