Okay, so let me get this straight. You’re experiencing clear and coherent thoughts and the ability to actually get things done during primetime hours? Sounds like a classic case of “derangement deficiency” in your pop culture diet.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Since we all stopped watching “Jon and Kate” weeks ago, it has become a nationwide epidemic.
And need I mention the Mary Murphy withdrawals? She alone provides a full day’s serving of “crazy” and is no doubt responsible for that lack of ringing in your ears.
Luckily, I’ve got a prescription for you. I call it “Trainwreck Tuesdays.” and “Big Brother” is just the start.
"MORE TO LOVE"
I know I’ve mentioned “More to Love” more than a few times here but there’s a reason, people! This show has been a constant source of crazy from the beginning.
The recipe for success seems to include forcing fat girls into bathing suits, like, every other episode and making them believe that their dull bootylicious beau, Luke, is the only one who will ever “accept them for who they are.”
I knew that I’d consumed my daily dose of delusion when I scoffed at one girl’s rather sane statement that she wasn’t ready to be married to Luke in the next month.
Sadly, it seems that the craziest girl, Kristian, was eliminated last night. But you can count on next week’s “meet the parents” episode to provide a gold mine of awkward moments.
After all, you might not have realized you were fat until Daddy called you a pig when you were 10.
"FLIPPING OUT"
Chubby girls with self-esteem issues not your bag? Perhaps you’d prefer a gorgeous gay man with control issues.
The craziest thing about “Flipping Out” is not Jeff’s OCD or codependency problems. It’s how he manages to maintain that body with a diet consisting only of El Pollo Loco and Baja Fresh.
No, seriously, the recession has added a new level to the show this season. Jeff Lewis has never been one to deny himself any luxuries, but times are tough. Not able to flip houses for profit, Lewis has lowered himself to — gasp! — helping clients renovate their homes. Who knows what other lows he will sink to?
His financial desperation, while not nearly as pungent, smells a lot like the “More to Love” girls‘ longing for romance.
"ADDICTED TO BEAUTY"
If this show is not on your radar, you need to get out the GPS and quick! Just type in “Crazytown.” “ATB” follows the day-to-day workings of SoCal medi-spa and its staff.
The thing is that those of us who live in Hollywood (and even Culver City!) take plastic surgery for granted. Go to, say, the Midwest and you’re not going to hear countless radio ads for Botox and breast enlargements. Out here it’s commonplace. That is crazy in itself.
Need more proof? Check out Dianne, a Cougar who has the dead eyes of an American Girl doll and lips that resemble sunburnt slugs. What would ever cause her to do that to her face? Let’s just say that while she may not meet the weight requirement, I bet her amount of self-esteem would qualify her for “More to Love.” A must-see.
These shows should give you your weekly dose of crazy until Mary Murphy and her Hot Tamale Train pull back into the station in a couple of weeks. You may also supplement your “Trainwreck Tuesdays” with “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” on Thursday.
I’d recommend “Toddlers and Tiaras” on Wednesdays, but I wouldn’t want you to overdose.
