“The Daily Show” host Desi Lydic thanked Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem Tuesday night for finally giving the Trump administration a “sex scandal involving consenting adults.”
Calling Noem “Spirit Halloween’s No. 1 customer,” Lydic joked in her Tuesday monologue, “Noem has a busy job starting wars in American cities, but somehow she seems to have found time for love.” The “love” Lydic mentioned, of course, is Noem’s heavily rumored and reported affair with her top homeland security aide, Corey Lewandowski.
“Guys … finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults. We did it! USA! USA!,” Lydic sarcastically celebrated. The “Daily Show” host continued, “I know it’s a bit unseemly, but I try to stay out of people’s personal business. I mean, it’s not like Kristi and Corey are flying around on a taxpayer-funded f—k plane.” Unfortunately for Lydic, her latter remark was followed by a report that Noem and Lewandowski have, in fact, been traveling together on a taxpayer-funded plane.
“Can you imagine actually being deported on that plane and the whole time you’re hearing Corey and Kristi Noem grunting in the back? I’d be like, ‘Can this plane please hurry up and land in South Sudan already?’” Lydic joked, in response to reports that Noem requested the plane specifically to help her with the Department of Homeland Security’s ongoing illegal immigrant deportations.
You can watch the full “Daily Show” segment yourself below.
Lydic was not done roasting Noem and Lewandowski, especially once she heard an additional report that Lewandowski fired a pilot because Noem’s blanket was forgotten in the midst of a plane transfer. “You fired the pilot because you forgot your blanket? That’s not the pilot’s job!” Lydic argued. “His job is to circle the airport until everyone in the back has had time to climax.”
“The only way this could get any dumber is, I don’t know, deporting 10 million people and then realizing that they were the ones who did all the hard jobs,” the “Daily Show” host ultimately concluded. Elsewhere in her Tuesday night monologue, Lydic also torched Vice President and “Pillsbury Proud Boy” JD Vance after he told a story about one time cooking his vegetarian wife Usha a dinner with ranch dressing and vegetables on top of crescent rolls.
“Veggies and ranch dressing baked on a crescent roll? And they say white people don’t have culture!” Lydic remarked. The “Daily Show” comedian then revealed, “I do think there’s a hopeful message here for men. No matter who you are, there is a woman out there that will look at you and say, ‘I guess this is the best I can do.’”
“If I could just be serious for one moment: Does someone who cooks ranch dressing have the judgment it takes to be one very irregular heartbeat away from the presidency?” Lydic added. “I mean, this raises some serious questions.”
