The Never Ending Sequel Story

Today I realized the world was ending.

This morning, as I was buttering my gluten free toast, reading the “movies in production” online, I froze in horror.  I dropped my silver butter knife almost decapitating my Chihuahua who sits each morning waiting for crumbs to drop from my plate as I read they are remaking Hitchcock’s “The Birds” … with Naomi Watts!

She was in the “King Kong” remake, too. But … REMAKING “THE BIRDS”?! I mean, other than maybe Paris Hilton, I can’t see any other star having black birds poop in their hair other then Tippi Hedren.

I’m pissed. I’m over it. I can’t quite understand why studio execs can’t get their uninspired heads out of their tookuses.  I know there are talented people out there who arrive everyday with a dream and hope. I know there are inspired scripts just waiting to get produced. Is it all about the Bottom Line? Is it all about “we own the rights already” and Americans will take whatever we shovel their way?  I just don’t know.

They keep turning old TV shows into movies and aiming them to young teens and adults who weren’t even born when they first came out — then wondering why they flop!  The pipeline is full of films coming our way, “Footlose,” “Porky’s,” “Fame,” “The Never Ending Story” and I’m sure another five “Friday the 13ths."

You would think with low budget films Like “Slumdog Millionaire” about never giving up, boy meets girl- boy loses girl and boy gets girl back would make studios go … HEY! Something original! You just know the shmuck who let “Slumdog” slip away to Fox Searchlight was answering to someone the day after the Oscars!

You can still make good movies with low budgets. There are too many bean-countiers suits running the creative that haven’t got a clue. There are people in development positions, whose knowledge of history in film begin with “Weekend at Bernie’s” and end with “Jackass the Movie.”

There is a magic that seems to be slowly fading away, and it scares me. It really does.  We can get it back.

I know Hitchcock is twirling in his grave.