The NBC “Parks and Recreation” star taped his “American Ham” Netflix special back in March at the Town Hall in New York City, when he offered the audience 10 tips for prosperity via vignettes — which included appearances by wife Megan Mullally — as well as stories and original songs. One of the latter, the “Hanky Song,” is particularly humorous and abundantly crass.
In the tune, Offerman sings about all of the uses for a handkerchief, something that his father instilled in a young Ron Swanson was what gentlemen carry. It’s not all gentlemanly activities though, of course.
“Hanky’s can make you seem polite/or wipe ejaculate from your chin,” Offerman sings. “Or when you break and enter, erase the prints from where you’ve been.”
Per another lyric: “For wiping your tears when you wish you could still get hard after all of that wine, and when you run out of toilet tissue, a hanky will do just fine.”
And of course there is this one, which gets right to the point of the perma-tissue: “When you have to suck a dick, it’s a cushion for your knees.”
Netflix will premiere “Nick Offerman: American Ham” on Friday, December 12 at 12:01 a.m. PT on Netflix in the U.S., Canada and the UK/Ireland.