‘Pan’ Review: Peter Pan Prequel Never Grows Up – Or Gets Interesting
Overdone performances (including Hugh Jackman’s), hideous visuals and half-baked ideas plagiarized from better movies make origin story an awfully awful adventure
The dreaded Blackbeard is the villain of “Pan,” but the real piracy comes from director Joe Wright (“Anna Karenina”) and screenwriter Jason Fuchs (“Ice Age: Continental Drift“) who plunder ideas and visuals from better filmmakers, including Terry Gilliam (the frigates reach Neverland by traveling through the void of space), Baz Luhrmann (characters en masse sing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and the Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop” in an otherwise non-musical film set in the 1940s) and George Lucas (one of Han Solo’s best moments is so flagrantly plagiarized here that Disney should sue).
Imitation, however, is the least of this movie’s problems. “Pan” is, for the most part, ugly to look at, shrill to listen to, and performed by actors who have been encouraged to camp it up madly in the style usually favored by aging British sitcom stars playing storybook characters in Christmas panto productions. Even worse, it’s a prequel-slash-origin-story, which means that plot-wise, the compass can point in only one direction.
Not that we needed to know the backstory of J.M. Barrie’s legendary hero Peter Pan, but “Pan” is determined to give it to us whether we wanted it or not. We begin with a distraught woman played by Amanda Seyfried, leaving her son in a basket at a London orphanage with nothing but a pendant of a pan-flute around his neck. A dozen or so years later, it’s World War II, and the Luftwaffe are raining bombs down on London.
Peter (newcomer Levi Miller, who deserves no blame for this catastrophe), now 12, sets out to investigate why other boys in the orphanage go missing in the middle of the night, and whether or not those disappearances have anything to do with the gold coins being hoarded by the cruel nun (Kathy Burke) running the place. Sure enough, a bunch of Cirque du Soleil-ish pirates (some of them even made up in clownface) bungee-jump down from their floating boats to snatch away the boys. (The idea of pirate ships battling the RAF during the Blitz is admittedly intriguing, but the sequence winds up being the first of many in “Pan” to be reduced to digital cacophony.)
Peter and his friends (none of whom will be seen or heard from again until the final minutes) are put to work in a Neverland mine, where Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) is forcing them to dig for the remaining traces of fairy dust that keeps him perpetually youthful. When made to walk the plank for a minor infraction, Peter discovers to his surprise that he can fly — which means he’s the half-fairy boy prophesied to take down Blackbeard.
So yes, for all its sound and fury, “Pan” winds up wallowing in two of the current cinema’s most tired storylines: the Chosen One/Reluctant Messiah and the Boy Who Must Learn To Believe in Himself. Ugh.
Peter escapes Blackbeard’s dungeon with the help of new best friend James Hook (Garrett Hedlund) and their forced-labor supervisor Smee (Adeel Akhtar, “Four Lions”), and while Hook just wants to escape, Peter makes him help search for his mother, whom the boy believes to be living among the fairies. There’s a lot more “and then,” none of it all that interesting, although they do meet up with Princess Tiger Lily (Rooney Mara, whose racial inappropriateness for the role is exacerbated by the fact that she’s apparently the only non-Asian in her entire tribe).
What works in “Pan”? Well, Miller is bright-eyed, engaging and empathetic, eschewing kid-actor cuteness for genuine camera presence; I was reminded more than once of Christian Bale‘s youthful debut in “Empire of the Sun.” Mara, although miscast, is one of the film’s few adult performers resisting the temptation to play to the third balcony, and there are a handful of interesting visuals, from giant flying crocodiles to a school of mermaids who all happen to look like Cara Delevingne.
But oh brother, what this movie gets wrong: Jackman never finds an appropriate balance between humor and menace; his villain is just annoying and creepy, while Hedlund seems to be channeling the most overbearing moments of James Coburn and Jack Nicholson. The film’s visual palette is also grotesque, operating in two modes: Sickly and Washed-Out (during which it resembles one of those grim period pieces where all the characters have syphilis) or Blindingly Prismatic (with rainbows shooting helter-skelter all over the screen).
Wrap all that up in a John Powell score that’s trying desperately to sound like John Williams’ Greatest Hits, and the result is a thoroughly unpleasant experience. If you’re really hungering for a new spin on “Peter Pan,” check out P.J. Hogan’s great, underappreciated 2003 version with Jason Isaacs. This new film turns the famous Lost Boy into a lost cause.
19 Books That Scored Better Movie Titles, From 'Cruel Intentions' to 'Die Hard' (Photos)
Who says Hollywood ruins books? Sometimes the movie title improves on the original.
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"It's a Wonderful Life" (1946)
The classic film about how angels get their wings is based on a short story by Philip Van Doren Stern called "The Greatest Gift." What was first a self-published booklet turned into one of the most beloved films ever, and earned five Oscar nominations.
Various
"Cape Fear" (1962, 1991)
Joseph D. MacDonald's "The Executioners" has had two big screen adaptations -- one in 1962 starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck, and one in 1991 from Martin Scorsese. In both bases they went with the title "Cape Fear."
Various
"Dr. Strangelove" (1964)
It took Stanley Kubrick a while to settle on a title for his take of Peter George's satirical novel "Red Alert." He ended up with one of the most unique titles in film history: "Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb."
Various
"Apocalypse Now" (1979)
Many filmmakers attempted to bring Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" to the big screen, but it wasn't until Francis Ford Coppola set it in Vietnam and renamed it "Apocalypse Now" that the narrative finally got a successful adaptation.
Various
"Blade Runner" (1982)
Ridley Scott's "Blade Runner" left some people scratching their heads, but Philip K. Dick's short story "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep?" -- on which it is based -- would probably have just added to any confusion.
Various
"Manhunter" (1986)
Hannibal Lecter had his big screen debut before "The Silence of the Lambs." Thomas Harris' first novel, "Red Dragon," was directed by Michael Mann and retitled "Manhunter." Brian Cox played Lecter.
Various
"Stand By Me" (1986)
Stephen King is best known for his horror/thriller stories, but with a different tone than most of his work, "The Body" was changed to "Stand by Me" in an attempt to reflect that.
Various
"Die Hard" (1988)
The team behind "Die Hard" changed more than just the title of Roderick Thorp's "Nothing Lasts Forever." John McLane was originally Joe Leland, Hans Gruber's name was Anton, and it was McLane's daughter office he got stuck in, not his wife's.
Various
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" (1988)
The source material for "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" had a darker tone than the eventual film. "Who Censored Roger Rabbit?" saw Roger Rabbit murdered, and his ghost hires private eye Eddie Valiant to find his killer.
Various
"Field of Dreams" (1989)
Nearly 70 years after Shoeless Joe Jackson's baseball career ended, most people probably wouldn't recognize the name, the take on W.P. Kinsella's novel "Shoeless Joe" was renamed "Field of Dreams."
Various
"Goodfellas" (1990)
Nicholas Pileggi's true-crime book "Wiseguys" was renamed by director Martin Scorsese. However, the nickname of "wiseguys" is mentioned in the final film.
Various
"10 Things I Hate About You" (1999)
Based on William Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew," the adaptation starring Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger brought things to the present day and gave it a more timely title, "10 Things I Hate About You."
Various
"Cruel Intentions" (1999)
Choderlos de Laclos' "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" got a direct adaptation in 1988, but was given a modern spin with "Cruel Intentions," which starred Ryan Phillippe, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Reese Witherspoon.
Various
"The 13th Warrior" (1999)
"Eaters of the Dead" was the original title for John McTiernan's adaptation, but author Michael Crichton supposedly was so disappointed with the film they changed the name.
Various
"O Brother, Where Are Thou?" (2000)
This very loose adaptation of Greek poet Homer's "The Odyssey" from the Coen brothers changed many details to fit their trademark style, including the title to "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"
Various
"Adaptation" (2002)
Coming from the mind of Charlie Kaufman, changing the title of "The Orchid Thief" to "Adaptation" was tame. Rather than telling the story of an author's search for a rare flower, Kaufman instead told the story of his struggles to adapt "The Orchid Thief."
Various
"There Will Be Blood" (2007)
Upton Sinclair's 1920s novel "Oil" served as loose inspiration for 2007's "There Will Be Blood," a much more dramatic title for the oil tycoon story.
Various
"Slumdog Millionaire" (2008)
The rags-to-riches tale that gave Dev Patel his start was inspired by the novel "Q&A" by Vikas Swarup in 2005. "Slumdog Millionaire" went on to win eight Oscars including Best Picture.
Various
"Carol" (2015)
The 1952 romance novel by Patricia Highsmith was later published under the title "Carol," which is the title of T0dd Haynes' Oscar-nominated 2015 movie.
Various
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What’s in a name? These well-known books got new names for their big-screen adaptations
Who says Hollywood ruins books? Sometimes the movie title improves on the original.