"PARIS HILTON’S MY NEW BFF"
I know what you’re thinking: Wasn’t there already a reality show called “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” less than a year ago? (I mean, it’s completely unethical for anyone to have more than one BFF … everyone knows that.)
The answer is, of course, yes. But, as Paris explains in the first episode, Season 1 winner Brittany Flickinger was a “hungry tiger.” Translation: someone so desperate for fame and attention that they’re starved for it. Get it? Our heiress is nothing if not witty!
This year’s contenders (13 girls and one gay guy prettier than all of them) proved their loyalty to Ms. Hilton in a variety of challenges ranging from pole dancing to petting a real live “hungry tiger” (there’s that wit again!).
Playing the part of adorable henchman is Season 1 fave, Onch — he of the covered mouth giggle and Kewpie doll headband. One wonders why Paris didn’t forgo the whole reality show and simply anoint him her BFF. Wait a minute, on second thought, one probably knows why: publicity. Say what you will about her — at least she controls her image.
Let’s hope she gets it right this time. After all, if our reality viewing has taught us anything, it’s that “Rocks of Love” may come and go, but BFFs, by their very definition, should be forever. (And if they’re not, she can always fall back on her British BFF winner or upcoming Dubai BFF!)
"I’M A CELEBRITY"
Over on “I’m a Celebrity … ” the center of attention was — you guessed it — Heidi and Spencer. After failing at a food challenge and continuing to spray that damn dry shampoo, the Pratts announced — again — that they were leaving.
Quote: “Super celebrities don’t belong in the jungle. They belong in Hollywood … with the paparazzi.”
After “very new Christian” Spencer was baptized in a Costa Rican river by reformed party boy Stephen Baldwin, he marveled how it was just like Jesus and John the Baptist. I guess that makes Spencer the Messiah in that comparison?
With that, he thanked Lou Diamond Phillips for “Young Guns” and the Pratts made their exit … again. No one exactly shed any tears. In fact, Frangela seemed to be downright gleeful. Cast members did, however, place bets on whether Speidi would return.
As far as the actual “game” part of the gameshow, the men (who earned immunity earlier in the episode) voted to save Patti Blagojevich. The public was invited to vote to save their favorite remaining woman from elimination.
I voted for Angela (you know, ’cause I met her at a bar once).
"18 KIDS & COUNTING"
A wholesome hoot, as usual. We were given insight into their homeschooling. The kids do workbooks while the teens learn on the computer.
Dammit. If I knew you could get a real education by spending hours on the internet, I’d probably be, like, an astrophysicist or something by now!
About a third of the kids took a trip over to the local — gasp! — public school to share their love of reading. Not sure what time they usually get up but apparently it’s not until long after 6 am.
Weird. I thought the crack of dawn was the perfect time for butter churning and darning jean skirts.
Jill recommended that the students read a book called “Before You Meet Prince Charming,” but failed to mention its subtitle, “A Guide to Radiant Purity.”
Despite their preference for homeschooling, the Duggar parents still recognized that their kids will probably need higher education to achieve their goals. Don’t apply for those student loans yet, though, Jim Bob. When prodded about their hopes and dreams, the kids gave answers that included: “missionary,” “missionary,” missionary,” and “midwife.”
Oh, and don’t forget “tow truck business owner.” Hmm … while the rest of the occupations are somewhat admirable, I’m not sure if Jesus likes it when you tow people’s cars, John David.