Stephen Colbert's super PAC is sitting on nearly $778,000 in cash, and five-time presidential candidate Ralph Nader knows exactly where to spend it.
On Ralph Nader.
If only Colbert would listen.
The longtime consumer advocate told TheWrap in an exclusive interview that he has been trying to get the "Colbert Report" host to donate the money remaining in Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow's coffers to the nonprofit American Museum of Tort Law he plans to build.
Dedicated to personal injury and other tort cases, the museum will go up in Nader's hometown of Winsted, Conn. Nader announced the plans, and started fundraising, 14 years ago.
"Since he deals with wrongful injuries and reputations night after night, there must be a little humor here," Nader told TheWrap. "Tell him we'll name the courtroom after him."
There's just one problem: Nader can't get to Colbert, even though Nader feels responsible for the Comedy Central host's success.
In 2004, while Colbert was hosting "The Daily Show" during the birth of Jon Stewart's first child, Nader was the interviewed guest. A year later, Colbert got his own show.
"He did so well that they gave him his own program," Nader said. "So you'd think he'd be accessible to me, right?"
Even as Colbert trolled the Republican presidential campaigns as a possible third-party candidate during the primary earlier this year, Nader — once the nation's perennial third-party runner — couldn't get in touch with him.
"Forget it, forget it," he said. "It's almost impossible to reach celebrity media these days."
A spokesman for Colbert and Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow did not respond to repeated emails and phone calls from TheWrap requesting comment.
Nader did tell TheWrap that he was happy to see Colbert satirize the growing role of money in electoral politics and draw attention to a candidate outside the two-party nexus.
"Since our elections are for sale at ever-higher auction prices, it's good that he did this satirical effort to highlight the absurdity of it all," Nader said.
Colbert first announced the formation of his own super PAC during a March 2011 segment of his show. He set up a company in the regulatory oasis of Delaware called Anonymous Shell Company and began raising funds for a farcical campaign.
After briefly declaring his candidacy for "President of the United States of South Carolina," Colbert launched a series of ads urging voters to cast ballots for Rick Parry — a spinoff of then-candidate Texas Gov. Rick Perry. Later, he threw his support behind Herman Cain, the pizza mogul who was widely mocked for his candidacy and seemingly far-fetched tax plans.
While he scored around $1 million for his PAC, the $778,000, according to an SEC filing, is what's left after advertising and expenses.
So far, Nader seems to be one of the few people gunning for the funds. But Colbert has floated at least one idea about how to spend it.
After real-estate-mogul-cum-reality-star-cum-political-blowhard Donald Trump offered President Obama $5 million to a charity of his choice to reveal his college and medical records, Colbert made Trump an offer.
The comedian said he'd donate $1 million to a charity of Trump's choice — if he allows Colbert to dip his testicles in his mouth.
So far, at least, Trump has not accepted the offer.