Ray Rice, the player who sparked the domestic abuse scandal that rocked the NFL to its core, says he contemplated suicide in the midst of the controversy.
“I almost felt like at one point that it wasn’t worth living. I see why people commit suicide,” he told the Baltimore Sun in an interview posted online Saturday.
The emotional confession came just over a year after Rice was caught on an Atlantic City casino surveillance camera dragging his then-fiancée Janay Palmer (now Rice) unconscious from an elevator.
The graphic act of violence led to the three-time Pro Bowl running back being cut by the Ravens and suspended by the NFL on Sept. 8. A media firestorm ensued, in which the league and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell were heavily criticized for initially suspending Rice for just two games. He was suspended after the full video was released by TMZ.
“The big picture of it all, being the person that I am, I really felt horrible,” Rice told The Sun. “You almost want to punish yourself. I know I’m never going to win the battle of public opinion. Honestly, I almost felt like at one point that it wasn’t worth living. I see why people commit suicide.
“I was low, real low. It hurt that bad because you worked your whole life to do all the right things and then you’re the world’s most hated person. It was really tough,” he said, revealing that thoughts of his family stopped him from seriously considering killing himself. “My daughter, oh Lord, I grew up without a father, there’s no way I could check out on my own family.”
While many people aren’t ready to forgive or forget, Rice hopes that they can at least move on. “I feel like time heals everything,” he said. “There’s an old saying people tend to forget, but I don’t think people are going to forget this. I just think people are going to look at what I do with my life going forward.”
Rice is currently a free agent after being reinstated from an indefinite suspension in November and says he plans to play in the NFL again, if given the chance. “I don’t want my career to be defined by this one moment,” he said. “I really want to get back out there for my pride and to be able to leave the game with dignity.”
Shootings, Stabbings, Dog Fighting: 11 NFL Scandals That Rocked the League (Photos)
After signing a five-year, $40 million contract extension with the New England Patriots, Aaron Hernandez had a spectacular fall from grace in June 2013, when his friend Odin Lloyd was fatally shot and his body dumped in an industrial park near the tight end’s Massachusetts home. Hernandez was subsequently charged with first-degree murder and later indicted for a 2012 double-murder. He was quickly dropped by the Patriots and is currently in prison awaiting trial, facing life without parole.
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The NFL’s most-notorious defendant, OJ Simpson went from being a Pro Bowl quarterback and "Naked Gun" star to being America’s most wanted when he came the prime suspect for the brutal 1994 murders of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Following the “trial of the century,” the former Buffalo Bills and San Francisco 49ers player was acquitted, but is currently serving time in a Nevada prison for armed robbery and kidnapping.
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Chad Johnson and “Basketball Wives” star Evelyn Lozada’s 2010 reality TV wedding was marred when the former wide receiver was arrested a month later for domestic battery for allegedly head-butting his new wife. Lozada quickly filed for divorce and Johnson avoided jail time with a year-long probation, but was fired by the Miami Dolphins in an embarrassing stand-off that aired on HBO’s “Hard Knocks.”
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Aldon Smith of the San Francisco 49ers was arrested for DUI in 2012 and then received stab wounds that June when a fight broke out at his house party, during which two other people were shot. Next up was crash when he was allegedly under the influence of marijuana, and finally this year a bizarre event at Los Angeles airport when he allegedly told a TSA agent that he had a bomb. Smith is sitting out for the first nine games of the 2014 season.
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Ray Rice’s former teammate was embroiled in a scandal of his own when Ray Lewis and two of his colleagues were indicted for a January 2000 murder that occurred after a fight at a Super Bowl party. The Baltimore Ravens linebacker negotiated a plea deal and got 12-month probation and $250,000 fine, and even went on to win another Super Bowl. His companions, Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting, were later acquitted and the killer has never been found.
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Michael Vick was implicated in an illegal interstate dog fighting ring that had operated for five years. The quarterback pleaded guilty in 2007 and served 21 months in prison for the crimes against canines at Bad Newz Kennels, and has since returned to the field with the Philadelphia Eagles and the New York Jets.
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Dez Bryant’s troubled childhood included his mother being arrested for dealing crack cocaine when he was 8. Their relationship remained volatile, and in July 2012 the Dallas Cowboys wide receiver was arrested after allegedly hitting her in the face during an argument. He later went through counseling and told a Dallas Men Against Abuse event, “I’m done with domestic abuse.”
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After bouncing between teams as a wide receiver, Donte Stallworth’s darkest hour came in March 2009 when he hit and killed a pedestrian while driving on a Miami Beach causeway in the early hours of the morning. Stallworth had a 0.12 alcohol level and tested positive for marijuana, leading to a charge of DUI manslaughter. He was sentenced to 30 days in jail, 1,000 hours of community service and eight years probation, along with settling a civil case with the victim’s family.
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Now back playing for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger was suspended without pay for the first six games of the 2010 season for violation of the NFL's personal conduct policy after “Big Ben” was accused of sexual assault on two separate occasions by different women. Charges were later dropped, but Steelers owner Art Rooney was reportedly “furious” at his star player.
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Cherica Adams was eight months pregnant with Carolina Panthers’ Ray Carruth’s child when she was shot four times in her car, calling 911 and naming the wide receiver as the one of the assailants. After both Adams and the unborn baby died, Carruth fled police and went on the run, before finally being found hiding in the trunk of a car in Tennessee. He was later sentenced for murder but escaped the death penalty.
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Adam "Pacman" Jones was suspended for the 2007 season, losing a total of $1.3 million in salary, for repeated violations of the NFL's personal conduct policy — including an altercation in a strip club when he allegedly pulled a dancer off stage and attacked a security guard, who was later shot by a member of his entourage and paralyzed from the waist down. Jones was charged with one count of felony coercion, one misdemeanor count of battery and one misdemeanor count of threat to life. He later signed with the Dallas Cowboys but was again involved in an incident with his bodyguard at a Dallas hotel.
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Ray Rice’s brutal elevator attack on his now-wife is the latest disturbing violent incident to plague the NFL over the decades
After signing a five-year, $40 million contract extension with the New England Patriots, Aaron Hernandez had a spectacular fall from grace in June 2013, when his friend Odin Lloyd was fatally shot and his body dumped in an industrial park near the tight end’s Massachusetts home. Hernandez was subsequently charged with first-degree murder and later indicted for a 2012 double-murder. He was quickly dropped by the Patriots and is currently in prison awaiting trial, facing life without parole.
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