‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’: High-End Death, Yoga and Hot Rocks

Phaedra’s still keen on fantasy funerals, Cynthia and Peter’s relationship looks dead and Kandi jams country-style with Jo Dee Mesina

The holiday hiatus is over, the Real Housewives of Atlanta are back and sparing no time getting back to the doom and gloom.

Fantasy Funerals by Phaedra is still very much alive. Phaedra is serious about this funeral business and dragging Apollo along for the hearse ride.

“Let’s throw them in the ground with a bang,” didn’t quite sell Apollo on the idea so Phaedra took him on a tour of Willie Watkins and the Funeral Factory. His fears of fleeing souls and vampires — don’t ask — assuaged, Apollo gets on board and Phaedra is well on her way to giving Atlanta “funerals worth dying for.”

Death comes in many forms and affects many things; see Cynthia and Peter’s relationship. We knew their marriage was sickly so this prognosis was expected.

The survival rate of unions with a rigid dinosaur set in his ways, unwilling to work with his former runaway bride who, when finally settled on a lifelong partnership, chose him for reasons still perplexing to modern medical minds is … six months or Season 5. Whichever comes first.

Visiting the man that wed them in matrimony, Pastor Pollard, one year into the marriage was supposed to help Cynthia and Peter sort through their communication problems, but the counseling proved as effective as the salsa class they attended earlier: Not. At. All.

Peter preferred to dutty wine in the corner by himself, moving his legs like a butterfly and twisting his neck to the beat, while Cynthia, focused on their partnership , kept in step and tried to draw Peter in. Throwing in the towel and waltzing off is Cyntthia’s next move.

While they pranced around their impending divorce, Kandi was busying herself with a Texas two-step. Intent on breaking into country music, she traveled with music producer Lil’ Ronnie to Jo Dee Messina’s house to collaborate on a ditty.

They somewhat agreed on the “won’t give up on you” chorus of the song, but Jo Dee seemed to give up on Kandi’s rendition and made the lyrics more her own.

Kim’s got a man, a new house, and a belligerent teenager by the name of Brielle. And she’s annoyed. Sheree came over and provided a healthy distraction from it all, consisting of yoga mats and kale. Kim was not into the juicing of vegetables and the plank position, but it did give us insight into what Sheree’s next job should be since that child support check will be infinitely delayed: a personal trainer. "Sit-Ups by Sheree," DVD coming soon.

NeNe and Marlo are friends. “Now say what now?” Bonding over playboy Charles Grant, the mispronunciation of high-end brand names, and their shared ignorance of the Dalai Lama — he’s The Italian, you know — they sat down to lunch and later attended the Captain Planet Foundation Jewelry Fundraiser.

At lunch, Marlo told NeNe she had been arrested seven times. NeNe was impressed by Marlo’s ability to be both a criminal and a socialite. And at the fundraiser, NeNe pretended not to be overwhelmed by the $25,000-and-above jewelry while Marlo pondered a heist and being arrested eight times. You don’t think she meant she was going to buy that $44,800 diamond ring when she said, “I’m going to get this one,” did you?<

Next week, more relationship counseling. This time with Kim and NeNe! And Mama Joyce playing the pastor.