‘Real Housewives’: From Cape Town Cattiness to Heart-Rending Orphanage Visit

“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” make the scene in Africa and even go on a safari — in Manolo Blahniks

The South African branch of Central Casting assembled the prettiest of people for the dinner party hosted by Sheree’s friend, Kevin. And we opened last night’s episode with Marlo still going on a tirade because she didn’t get a call back.

Surprisingly, NeNe was the peacemaker, dragging Marlo up the stairs with still no invite in hand and none forthcoming. In turn, Sheree shook off the barbs launched at her bank account, rounded up Kandi and Phaedra, and strutted off to be greeted by African drummers and fire dancers.

Models-slash-Actors-slash-Music Producers-slash-Bartenders-slash-the Handsomely Unemployed gathered to dine and convince the accomplished at the table they were up-and-coming, full of potential and ab-hardening funny.

One flirtatious man in particular didn’t persuade Kandi. She dismissed his come-ons, announcing him as jobless to an amused Phaedra.

The amusement continued when the dinner party entourage met up with Marlo, Cynthia, and NeNe at a nightclub. Marlo welcomed Sheree with her middle finger.

Sheree didn’t entertain the childish antics and even managed not to pick up any of the free-flowing cash as Marlo made it rain. Phaedra and Kandi had no qualms about picking up the Rands and stuffing them in their bras, with Phaedra declaring she could buy some souvenirs, shoes, and Pampers with that money.

Sheree’s pride wouldn’t let her go near it, but she must know from experience that "pride goeth before repossession, and a greedy spirit wears it and takes it back to the mall.” That's from Proverbs 16:18 — the Rick James Version.

Finally making it to Shamwari Game Reserve for a safari, the women fed insufferable Marlo to the lions.

If only.

Even wild animals wanted no part of the woman who insisted she stay in the modern portion of their lodging, demanded photo shoot hair and makeup for a hike through the bush, requested to be carried to the Jeep to spare her Manolo Blahniks, and turned a zebra sighting into bluster about her pricey zebra rug at home.

Marlo Hampton is the "Real Housewives of Atlanta’s" version of Dana “Did you know, $25,000?” Wilkey. Annoying gangrened appendages that need to fall away from their respective franchises, they hang on nonetheless, touting designer price tags in transparent attempts to be noticed.

Overpriced sunglasses, ridiculous glitter pants and impractical Jimmy Choos aside, the Atlanta housewives opened their expensive handbags and hearts to the children of South Africa.

On their way to Charity Trust Orphanage they stopped at a local store to stock up on necessities and treats for the under-privileged they were about to visit — so refreshing to see the spendthrifts buying out a store that wasn’t Barneys.

Unexpectedly, they ran into dancing and singing South African students on a lunch break that encouraged the prima donnas to shed their pretension and delightfully shimmy with them.

As talented and entertaining as the teenagers were, the ladies had to leave with toiletries in tow, to present children touched by HIV/AIDS with much needed staples. Along the way, they passed out shoes, food, toys and other gifts to grateful villagers.

It was poignant, heartwarming, inspiring — a nice contrast to the cattiness in Cape Town.

Tears were shed and Phaedra noted they were lucky to live such privileged lives upon leaving their visit with the appreciative youth in South Africa.

But just as the sappy music lulled us into a peaceful reverie, we were reminded the pettiness returns next week.

Kim phones in the drama, a witch doctor has no cure for bitch, and an arrogant sense of
entitlement rears its wretched name-dropping head. The neck turning it belongs to Marlo.