“SNL” took on gun control during its “Weekend Update” segment in the wake of the shooting in Las Vegas that took the lives of 58 people.
“Weekend Update” hosts Colin Jost and Michael Che tore into the gun debate, asking why anyone in the U.S. might need as many guns as the shooter in Las Vegas had — or how his purchase of those guns didn’t tip anyone off to what he was planning.
“The investigation into the tragedy in Las Vegas this week has sparked a larger debate in America between people who want common sense gun control, and people who are wrong,” Jost said, kicking off the segment. “This shouldn’t be a partisan issue. The guy had 47 guns. No one should own 47 of anything. If you own 47 cats, you are not a responsible pet owner, you’re a crazy cat lady. And unlike with guns, the government will actually come and take your cats away, because everyone agrees that’s insane.
“Also, this guy bought 33 of his guns in the past year,” Jost continued. “And that didn’t set off any kind of alert? If I buy $100 worth of Chick-Fil-A, I get a text message from my bank that says, ‘Did you just purchase $100 worth of Chick-Fil-A? Please, Colin, tell us this is fraud.’ How is no one keeping track of how many guns people own? There is a real law in Texas that says it’s illegal to own more than six dildos. And I get why. No one needs that many. If you own more than six dildos, it’s the a clear sign you are training for something awful.”
Che continued the segment by mocking gun owners who apparently feel so unsafe, they need a personal arsenal.
“I don’t know, why is it so hard to get gun control in this country?” Che asked. “I mean, who are these delicate snowflakes that we can’t just tell them, ‘No, you are not allowed to have 40 guns anymore, Earl.’ From now on you can have one gun, max, and six bullets. If you can’t hit what’s coming for you in six shots, then your ass needs to learn karate, or use your words.’
“I’m sick of this narrative that Americans just love guns so much. It’s a not true,” Che went on. “Seventy-eight percent of Americans don’t even own a gun. And 3 percent of Americans own 50 percent of all the guns in the country. That’s the problem — the 3% the country that needs to feel secure all the time. That’s why I think we should do a buy-back program. For every gun you trade in, we give you one half inch of penis enlargement. That’s fair. If you trade in 10 guns, you get five more inches. And if any women want to trade in their guns — don’t. Keep your guns. Because you’re probably going to need them to fight off all those men in spandex fighting to show off their brand-new eight-inch penises.”
The “Weekend Update” gun control discussion followed the “SNL” cold open, in which singer Jason Aldean paid tribute to shooting victims in Las Vegas. He played the song “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty, who also died this week at the age of 66.