Stephen Colbert Brings Back Keebler Elf Jeff Sessions to Talk About Michael Cohen’s Trump Trial Testimony| Video

Trump’s former fixer says Trump once claimed that Sessions was “in his pocket”

Michael Cohen testified in Donald Trump’s criminal trial on Tuesday that Trump once told him he would have his then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions quash an investigation by the FBI into Cohen as well as another key ally.

Which have a very delighted Stephen Colbert an excuse to bring back a character he hasn’t used in 6 years: Jeff Sessions, portrayed by a Keebler Elf. Colbert had a lot of fun with this during his Tuesday night monologue, and you can watch the whole thing above now.

For background, Cohen mentioned sessions Twice on Tuesday. First, he testified in court that in April 2018, after he’d been raided by the FBI, he called Trump freaking out about it, and was assured by Trump that Sessions “was in his pocket.” And later in the trial, he testified that on Trump’s direction he made similar assurances to David Pecker, then publisher of the National Enquirer, which was also under investigation around that time.

Colbert explained all of this in his monologue, saying “Trump wanted to quash an investigation into his own wrongdoing, using Attorney General Jeff Sessions, seen here mad that you open the cupboard and disturbed his nap,” which is of course a joke about how small Sessions is. Which brough Colbert to the gag.

“This testimony means I get to bring out my favorite guest from back in the day. Please welcome former Attorney General Jeff Sessions,” Colbert said, before pulling a Keebler Elf cookie out of his pocket and holding it up to the camera.

“Hello. I have returned! It is I, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the third. And I will not stand by idly while that Yankee lawyer drags my good name through the fudge,” Colbert said in an exaggerated parody of the real-life Sessions’ put-on Southern accent.

“Former Attorney General Sessions, did you follow through on Trump’s promise and derail a legitimate FBI investigation?” Colbert asked the cookie.

“How dare you doubt my honor sir. I swear on a stack of ‘Gone With the Wind’ DVDs that I have an alibi. I was standing shoulder to shoulder with 23 of my closest friends in a tight cellophane sleeve,” Colbert replied in his Sessions voice. “And frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn where President dips hi Nilla wafer. That’s just the way the me crumble.”

“Indeed it does,” Colbert said smugly as he then at the cookie.

There more and, as we said, you can watch the whole monologue at the top of the page.

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