Stephen Colbert Responds to Kristi Noem Dog Killing Story: ‘No! Bad Psycho Governor!’ | Video 

“Stay, stay away from dogs,” the host of “The Late Show” jokes

Stephen Colbert devoted considerable time in his monologue on Monday’s “The Late Show” to South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem and the story, which she tells proudly, of the time she killed a misbehaving dog.

But Colbert ultimately had a succinct response to the lunatic story: “No! Bad psycho governor! No!”

In case you somehow missed it, The Guardian obtained a copy of Noem’s upcoming memoir that includes the story on Friday. As Noem tells it, about 13 years ago, she had a 14-month old pointer named Cricket. By her own admission, she appears to have barely trained it, and one day, after some rambunctious behavior by the dog, Noem says she determined the dog needed to be put down. No, really. Noem says she took the dog to a nearby gravel pit where she shot it, and later — apparently the same day — she also killed one of her goats she found particularly smelly.

Sidebar, according to other longtime politicians in the state, Noem has been dogged by rumors that she once killed a puppy in a fit of rage in front of several witnesses. The story therefore appears to be a clumsy attempt to get out in front of it as she tries to be picked as Donald Trump’s vice presidential running mate.

Colbert brought up the context of Noem vying to be Trump’s new VP in his monologue, explaining the basic news to his audience.

“Now I know that sounds terrible. I know it sounds terrible. But it’s much worse,” Colbert said. “Because this wasn’t some rabid, 90-pound hellhound on a meth bender. It was a 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket. Yes, a puppy named Cricket. Reminds me of Stephen King’s first draft of ‘Cujo’: ‘Snuggles.’”

Colbert then made it clear that Noem volunteered this disturbing story, before getting into just what’s so messed up about it. “So why did Cricket need to kick it? According to Noem, the problem was that Cricket was ‘untrainable’ … Here’s what happened. According to Noem, again in a story no one asked her to tell us, she claims that she brought Cricket on a pheasant hunt. But Cricket ruined the hunt.”

Colbert then quoted directly from Noem’s account. “Going out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life,’” he said. “But who among us hasn’t seen a dog running through the fields without a care in the world, and thought, ‘You deserve to die’?”

“Cricket made the fatal mistake of continuing to be a normal puppy on the way home when according to Noem, they stopped at a local family’s farm where Cricket attacked the family’s chickens,” Colbert continued. “Gov. Noem, if you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chicken I have bad news about your party’s nominee.”

This was of course accompanied by a photo of Trump.

Colbert continued, “After Cricket killed the chickens, Noem writes, and I swear this is all from her book, ‘Cricket was the picture of pure joy,’ adding, ‘I hated that dog.’ This book is starting to sound less like a political memoir and more like the manifesto of a guy who’s neighbors said he ‘just kind of kept to himself, you know?”

“Something about that happy puppy clearly pushed Noem over the edge,” Colbert continued. “She writes,’ At that moment, I realized I had to put her down.’ So she got her gun and led Cricket to a gravel pitch.”

“No! Bad psycho governor! Sit down! Back. Stay. Stay away from dogs,” he added.

Watch the whole monologue at the top of the page.


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