Like a real newsman, Stephen Colbert broadcast live to America last night following the 2020 Vice Presidential Debate. And like the rest of Americans, the “Late Show” host was mostly obsessed with the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head during Wednesday’s main event.
“He’s so full of crap, he’s attracting flies,” Colbert explained away the instantly viral moment.
That line, probably the best of his night, was only the beginning of the Pence-fly quips.
“All jokes aside, thoughts and prayers to that fly’s family. It’s got to quarantine for two weeks now,” Colbert continued. “We’ve got to get that fly to Water Reed.”
And: “It stayed there for over two minutes — two minutes! Meaning that fly has a longer attention span than the president of the United States!”
Watch the video above.
Though he mustered up the energy required for a live show with no studio audience at 11 p.m. ET, Colbert admitted that he was pretty bored by the VP debate.
“I spent the whole debate on the middle of my seat,” he straight-faced.
But that is maybe not such a bad thing. The vice presidential debate’s general civility — mixed with more than a hint of boredom — is “how politics should be,” Colbert said. “You should be able to watch it and go to sleep — and not wake up in a cold sweat worried that your healthcare won’t cover cold sweats.”
Colbert also expressed some sympathy for VP debate moderator Susan Page, the USA Today journalist who had the tough task of making Mike Pence stick to his two-minute time limit.
The CBS late-night star advised her: “If you want to make Mike Pence shut up, you have to ask him to say ‘Black Lives Matter.'”
OK, so that one gave the “full of crap” line a run for its money.