Stephen Colbert took a look at some of the specifics of the fitness test required to join ICE on Wednesday night, and he came away with a “hot tip” — for immigrants.
During his monologue, the CBS host pointed out that President Trump is still “terrorizing communities” nationwide with his ICE raids, and wants more teams of people to send out. But, recruiting has hit a bit of a wall because more than a third of applicants have failed the fitness test.
“To pass the ice fitness test, participants must do 15 push-ups, 32 sit-ups and run 1.5 miles in 14 minutes,” Colbert explained. “Well, there’s a hot tip for immigrants! Learn to run 1.6 miles and ICE can never catch you.”
Colbert also joked that the failure rate should be used to motivate any candidates, before imagining how that would actually look.
“All right, cadets, look to your left. Now look to your right,” he joked, putting on a stern voice. “Now take a break. You guys must be exhausted!”
According to one official, the fitness struggles have gotten so bad among ICE that he refers to his recruits as “athletically allergic.” And to that, Colbert could sympathize.
“You laugh, but that’s a real thing. I’m allergic to athletic!” he joked. “That’s why I always carry my Epi-Garlic Breadstick.”
Elsewhere in his monologue, Colbert roasted Trump for attempting to sue his own Justice Department for $230 million, the president’s destruction of the East Wing of the White House, and receiving the “definitely heard of it before” Richard Nixon Architect of Peace Award.
You can watch Stephen Colbert’s full monologue in the video above.
