It’s been said that sex is like pizza — even when it’s bad, it’s good.
But pizza almost never lands you in the emergency room. And sex does, as TLC’s “Sex Sent Me to the ER” will prove on Saturday.
The show revisits real emergency room sex stories, as told by physicians and the couples who got a little overzealous between the sheets — with a little bit of help from actors doing re-enactments. The four-part series comes from GRB Entertainment (“Untold Stories of the ER”).
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In the premiere episode, guitarist and singer Cash has a stroke while having sex with his girlfriend, Anne. It takes the uninsured musician a few days to head to the hospital, where doctors discover the problem — and Cash does some test-masturbation. Does Cash whoop “Yee-haw!” after orgasm in the ER bathroom? He does.
Then there’s a story of the guy who breaks his penis (“Be careful doc, it’s the only one I’ve got”) during a wild threesome with his wife and girlfriend. In the ER, the two women fight, make up, and make out. The wife bites off a little piece of revenge — in the form of the other woman’s tongue.
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We also meet 24-year-old Gregg, a 440 lb. virgin. He tries a little too hard when he first has sex, and accidentally pushes his girlfriend headfirst through the wall. Later, after the ER visit, when all is well, Gregg inspects the hole, which is right next to a 2×4 stud. He declares to his girlfriend that if she had been just one inch to the side, the funny story could have become very serious.
She replies, “Darling, if you had just one more inch, you wouldn’t have had to push so hard and my head wouldn’t have gone through the wall.”
The couple is still together.
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The hour-long show, which bounces around between the couples, probably spends a little too much time reminding viewers where they stand after each commercial break. There simply isn’t that much to these stories, and the acting will make you laugh at it as much as with it.
But if nothing else, “Sex Sent Me to the ER” may make viewers practice safe sex. Really safe sex.
“Sex Sent Me to the ER” premieres Dec. 28 at 10/9c on TLC.
Watch the teaser: