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Trump Is Back, and Better Than Ever

Here’s who will go, and who The Donald will fire

Sunday was a fabulous night for television because the latest season of "Celebrity Apprentice" debuted on NBC. Trump is back, and this show keeps getting better. By the number of F-Bombs that The Donald dropped, we are getting our first look into what a real boardroom must be like with Mr. Trump. Let the games begin!

We are starting off with men vs. women. Perfection. Each team gets to pick the others Project Manager for the first task. The chicks pick Bret Michaels, lead singer of Poison, Rock of Love Skank Tamer, and the weakest link. The men pick Cyndi Lauper, because they figure they will knock out the strongest players first.

The men’s team is called ROCK SOLID, and the women are called Tenacity. Boring. The first task is to run a diner, in a great NYC location, for three hours. Whoever makes the most money, in both sales and tips, wins. All the money goes to charity. Bravo to Mark Burnett and Trump for making it so.

The men’s team is as follows: 
Michael Johnson, Olympian — not interesting. Bye Bye. 
Bret Michaels, Rock Star — his fake hair is sewn into his hat
. Bill Goldberg, Wrestler/Actor – this is a beautiful man. 
Sinbad, Comedian – not that funny. Bye Bye. 
Curtis Stone, Chef – gorgeous, hope he stays for a while. 
Rod Blagojevich, Ex-Governor, Dear Lord. Why? Bye Bye. 
Darryl Strawberry, Baseball Player – kind of a creepy guy, but he’s staying for a while

The women’s team is as follows:
 Sharon Osbourne, Queen of Everything, my personal pick to win. 
Cyndi Lauper, Legendary Pop Star – love her, and hope she stays a while. 
Summer Sanders, Olympian – from 18 years ago! Bye Bye. 
Holly Robinson Peete, Actress – could not be more annoying. Total mean girl. Bye Bye
. Selita Ebanks, Model – really? Hire a new make-up artist. Bye Bye
. Carol Leifer, Comedian – who cares. Bye Bye. 
Maria Kanellis, Wrestler – should have been on "Rock of Love." Bye Bye.

The women decide to cook basic diner food, and make it cheap. The strategy is to get a ton of people in and out, and make money on tips from big donors. The men decide they are going big, with the cheapest thing on their menu priced at $100. They hope to make more money, with fewer customers.

The task really took a back seat to seeing everyone for the first time, and getting a handle on who they are. It’s an interesting group. Bret Michaels is hilarious. This scraggly man is skinny, has horrific fake hair, horrible make-up, too tight pants, and probably a Petri dish of sexual madness. That said, he is oddly attractive, in a forbidden, my mother would kill me, kind of way.

Peete comes across as someone you can’t trust. She is shady if you ask me, and I predict that when she goes, it’s in flames. I don’t get her, and want her gone. Lauper is divine. She’s a totally cool broad. When she defended her friend Rosie, and called Trump fat, I wanted to kiss her. Love this chick, and if Sharon doesn’t win, I hope it is Cyndi.

Blogojevich is sleazy and creepy, yet oddly sweet. I think once his trial is over, he will have a very successful career selling used cars. Kanellis appears to be made out of plastic. Not nice, shiny plastic, but really poorly made Chinese plastic that will kill you if you hold it for too long. She is beyond skanky, and needs to go home. Quickly.

Goldberg and Stone are both stunning looking. Combined into one person, they make the perfect man. I am equally in love with them both, and don’t really care what they contribute to the tasks, because they are yummy, and I want them to stay until the obligatory no shirt task. After we see that, they can be dismissed.

Rivers made a cameo at both restaurants, and it was hilarious because both teams thought she came to specifically see them, but it was Donald who arranged for her to come. She won last year, and was fabulous. Like Rivers is going to randomly stop by to eat. Sometimes a really shiny tool is not that sharp, and at the end of the day, is still just a tool.

Line of the night was from Mr. Trump. When talking to the ladies, Trump said, “Many of you are beautiful." It cracked me up. Which ones are not attractive Donald? Classic. Donald asks each one who should be fired, and I wanted to slap them all. This strong group of women, checked their balls at the door, and it took them forever to say who should be fired.

Nobody defended themselves. It was pathetic, and embarrassing, that the chicks caved. Eventually, lead by the skanky wrestling chick, they systematically threw Carol Leifer under the bus. Best part was Trump went wild with profanity. I loved that he went blue. We’ve never seen him do it before, but we know it’s what happens in his boardroom, so it was great.

Trump fires Leifer. You saw it coming from the beginning, so no big surprise. If the chicks want to win, they are going to need to gather up their balls, and stop worrying about being kind and sweet to each other. It’s business ladies, so check your lipstick at the door, and come out blazing. It’s going to be a great season.

Ilana Angel is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. She is author of the "Keeping the Faith" singles blog for the Los Angeles Jewish Journal. You can follow her at www.Twitter.com/ilanaangel.