Fox News host Tucker Carlson ended his Fox News show Monday night with a warning. Sex-crazed pandas could kill you if they wanted to — and our popular conception of the cuddly creatures is actually just fake news.
“You know the official story about pandas — they’re cute, they’re adorably helpless, which is why they’re almost extinct,” he said in a segment titled “Pandas Exposed.”
“But like a lot of what we hear, that’s a lie,” he continued. “The real panda is a secret stud with a taste for flesh and a fearsome bite.”
Tell me more.
“They’re not against sex, either — they just hate unsexy zoos,” said Carlson. “But when they’re in the wild, male pandas engage in a fierce sexual contest. The winner has sex 40 times in a single afternoon.”
The moment left many in the Twitter peanut galley speechless.
i am speechless… i am without speech pic.twitter.com/JzCG3PZx1t
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 10, 2018
The Carlson segment, which the host himself could barely finish with a straight face, had its origins in this Wall Street Journal story about the secret lives of the animal.
“The real panda is a secret stud, with a taste for flesh and a fearsome bite, at least in its natural habitat,” reads the piece by Lucy Cooke, which Tucker appears to have cribbed verbatim. “But that habitat is withering thanks to human encroachment. Once a wide swath of southeast China and bordering nations, panda country is now a patchy strip, mostly through the forests of just two mountain ranges.”