If you’ve ever wondered how Donald Trump would summarize literary works from “Harry Potter” to “The Scarlet Letter,” you’re in luck — the #TrumpBookReport hashtag is a dream for librarians and political junkies alike.
#TrumpBookReport imagines Trump’s takes on female characters from Clarice Starling to Katniss Everdeen to Lolita, as well as his thoughts on killing mockingbirds, and conflicts between muggles and wizards. Excessive use of the phrase “believe me” abounds. Believe me.
Here are some of the best so far:
Michael Crichton’s “Jurassic Park”:
Jurrasic Park. Yuge disaster. Dinosaurs everywhere. So many deaths. So many. I’d have built bigger fences. The best fences #TrumpBookReport
— Alex McIntire (@A_Mac_27) October 20, 2016
Harper Lee’s “To Kill A Mockingbird”:
To Kill a Mockingbird? Nobody kills Mockingbirds better than me. I will kill the families of Mockingbirds. Believe me. #TrumpBookReport
— Liam van der Spek (@SpekOfTheDevil) October 20, 2016
Charles Perrault’s “Sleeping Beauty”:
Sleeping Beauty? The Prince just started kissing her. Didn’t even ask. When you’re a prince they let you do it. #TrumpBookReport
Sameer Noorani (@sameernoorani) October 20, 2016
Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”:
So there’s this guy, Ebenezer. Great guy. Friend of mine. Very smart. And people always have their hands out to him. Sad. #TrumpBookReport
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) October 20, 2016
George R.R. Martin‘s “A Song Of Ice And Fire”:
They say “Winter is Coming” but it never does! Just a sad lib attempt to sell climate change. That Wall tho, it’s good! #TrumpBookReport
— Such a nasty womanu (@ManuclearBomb) October 20, 2016
Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter”:
#trumpbookreport I wouldn’t give Scarlet an A,maybe a C at best.I like a D…cup.she’d want me,I’m a star.but I could do better,believe me.
— Maggie Grace (@MaggieGrace) October 20, 2016
Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita”:
Lolita? In six years, I’ll be dating her.#TrumpBookReport
— Jennifer Senior (@JenSeniorNY) October 20, 2016
J.K. Rowling‘s “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”:
A Half-Blood Prince? Yeah right. The Muggles, they’re not sending Hogwarts their best, they’re sending us their worst. #TrumpBookReport
— (((Yair Rosenberg))) (@Yair_Rosenberg) October 20, 2016
Suzanne Collins‘ “The Hunger Games”:
The Hunger Games are rigged, folks. Everyone knows Katniss won because she played the woman card. Nasty woman. Very rigged. #TrumpBookReport
— missy kurzweil (@missykurz) October 20, 2016
Thomas Harris’ “The Silence of the Lambs”:
Clarice Starling? Not even a 5. Flat chested loser. Couldn’t even get the lambs to be silent. Sad. #trumpbookreports
— AlinaK (@AlinaIceBear) October 20, 2016
And finally, a meta-tweet on book reports themselves:
Works Cited:
You know it
I know it
Everybody knows it
Ask anyone in ________
Believe me #TrumpBookReport— Nicholas Lindquist (@nick_lindquist) October 20, 2016