Two Bachelors Bite the Dust

The night begins with the host announcing that Jillian has already left for Vancouver, and tells the boys to pack their bags, as they’re all going to the big BC city. Sweet! It takes two minutes for a 2010 Olympic games plug … not bad. Jillian meets the boys at the Fairmont downtown (we love […]

Last Updated: June 8, 2009 @ 11:11 PM

The night begins with the host announcing that Jillian has already left for Vancouver, and tells the boys to pack their bags, as they’re all going to the big BC city.

Sweet! It takes two minutes for a 2010 Olympic games plug … not bad. Jillian meets the boys at the Fairmont downtown (we love that hotel, but how come we can never afford those nice suites that they’re in?) and informs them that Kiptyn is getting the first one-on-one date.

Jillian and Kip (which is much easier to type than Kiptyn, believe me) do some cool Vancouver things like kayaking from Stanley Park to Granville Island. Random thought: I like Jillian, I really do, but can she please stop with that squeal? And it’s fun playing the “Hey, we’ve been there!” game with my wife as they showcase the city of Vancouver.

They end up at Jillian’s apartment, where the wine, conversation, and hormones are all flowing at full speed. But their faces keep getting obscured by the Michigan tornado-watch crap, which better stop soon. Ya know, I’m beginning to warm up to Kip. Just as I think this, so is Jillian (but in a much different way) as she goes in for the kiss … Mark my words, Kip is going to be in the final three.

When the group date is announced, Jillian writes that she wants to be swept off her feet. At the mention of the word feet, Tanner P pitches a pants tent, which thankfully is not caught on camera. When I hear the word sweep, I know it has to do with curling.

Yay. Sarcasm. It’s because I suck at curling.

Jillian sets up a curling match, where the winners get to spend more time with her and the losers get to go back to the hotel. All the guys see Wes and Dave as the douchebags that they are. Mike … sorry, Michael … is getting on my nerves. And he’s dry-humping her from behind while he’s hugging her on the rink! No fair!

After curling, Jake has now called himself a nice guy four times already and we’re not even halfway through this episode; he then tells Jillian he has a lot of flaws. Is Jake having second thoughts about Jillian? Wow, this is an interesting twist. Almost an hour in and I’m still wide awake. Is this show growing on me?

Dave pours on the charm and says to the camera, “Her ass is f—in’ hot!” Yes, Jillian, Dave is getting too comfortable. He goes in for the kiss, and … Jillian gave Dave the cheek!!!! De-nied!!! Whoohoo!!! He shrugs it off by saying, “She is into me … setting me up like that and then turning the cheek on me is challenging me.” Wow, dude, spoken like a true serial date rapist.

What? Interrupted by a Detroit Severe Weather Alert!!! Twice in five minutes!!! We miss the helicopter ride for the two-on-one date with Mike and Mark and don’t get the cool tour of Vancouver. I’ll be surprised if Mark doesn’t go home after this two-on-one date.

Mike is falling in love already (loses points), but he seems like a good guy (gains points). Mark is being too vulnerable too soon, but also seems like a decent dude. Surprise! I was wrong. Mike is peacin’ out too soon, and he is as surprised as I am. Another good guy bites the dust.

Cocktail/sausage party begins. Love Jillian’s dress! She is looking fabulous … Wes is not making any friends with the guys, who are doing all they can to ruin his time with Jillian. Love it! Then she makes out with him. She sends Mike home but then makes out with

 

Wes. Wes? Cmon, Jillian. You should see through this douchebag.

Jake doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus by revealing who currently has a girlfriend (Wes) but he should. So Tanner P almost does it but then wusses out. Even Jillian almost asks who among the boys isn’t being truthful but doesn’t ask. Jake steps up and asks the boys who may have a girlfriend. Nobody mans up. Lots of drama, but Wes won’t admit anything, nor does Tanner speak up about it.

Tanner gets the last rose, sending Dave and Juan home.

By giving Tanner the last rose, it’s obvious to me that Jillian thinks that Juan has a girlfriend. Big mistake, Jillian. Though it was a good thing to finally get rid of Dave, who says it’s because he was just being himself.

Uh, Dave, that’s why you’re outta there.
 
 

Mark Stone is a freelance entertainment writer living in Kelowna, BC, Canada. He is the managing editor of DailyBrainCandy.com and author of "Behind the Screen: Hacking Hollywood."