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Two More Bite the Dust

“Idol” failed to deliver on a singing mentor this week, but we did get a dance mentor. That’s right, Paula brought it! Sometimes when she spouts metaphors about moths and melons, it leaves us shaking our heads, wondering what’s really in her Coca-Cola cup. But there’s no denying the woman is  talented — if not […]

“Idol” failed to deliver on a singing mentor this week, but we did get a dance mentor.

That’s right, Paula brought it! Sometimes when she spouts metaphors about moths and melons, it leaves us shaking our heads, wondering what’s really in her Coca-Cola cup. But there’s no denying the woman is  talented — if not for her singing then for her moves. She was the Britney of the ’80s — amazing dancer, phenomenal lip-syncer.

Perhaps it was to put the “Team Kara” critics to rest on the issue of her relevance?

Matt Giraud downloaded a ringtone of himself singing. It’s likely that this was a staged cross-promotional “synergy” type clip to remind viewers that they can download ringtones of the Idols. That being said, it just made him look cocky, especially for someone who almost went home last week! Why don’t the producers pick on someone else?

The opening group number was amazing! Even with mics winding around in front of their faces, it was clear more than ever that no one was singing live. But, in their defense, how could they? They were too busy executing Abdul’s choreography. (BTW, when she was teaching them the moves, maybe she could’ve given a lesson in lipsyncing. too.)

Yes, it was silly. But it was so … fun! They even donned ’70s costumes and sunglasses. Well, all except Adam Lambert. Maybe it’s one of his vampire seduction techniques: “Vote for me and live forever.”

The Ford music video featured the Idols performing jobs that they will never have to subject themselves to now that they’ve appeared on the most popular show in America. Cupcake makers! Dog groomers! Construction workers! Somehow it was sad to think that 16 year-old Allison Iraheta’s first job won’t be at the Gap like the rest of us.

Wow.They didn’t waste any time (for once)! Lil Rounds was the first to learn her fate and the first to be told that her journey had come to an end. She belted out “I’m Every Woman” again, and the judges asked why she didn’t sing like that on Tuesday. Not that it would’ve mattered if she had. These Top 7 are all amazingly talented; Lil just happens to be the least talented (or inconsistent), depending on whom you ask.

In honor of Disco Week, three legends performed classics. Freda Payne sang “Band of Gold,” and while she looked glamorous in her sparkly gown and tightly pulled face, she was upstaged by Thelma Houston’s rendition of “Don’t Leave Me This Way.” (Maybe I’m biased; I’ve always loved that song.)

“KC” Casey, that’s right, from the Sunshine Band, did the party song “Get Down Tonight.” While it was a colossal hit in its day, I couldn’t tell you how it was last night because I was distracted by the colossal boobs of one of his back-up dancers.

Back to the results: Kris was on trial next and despite “shopping in the women’s department,” he passed through with flying colors. As usual, judge favorite Adam Lambert had nothing to worry about, as evidenced by the overwhelming cheers from the audience at the mere mention of his name.

Danny Gokey promised us that if he made it through, he would try not to be so clumsy.  Turns out, he will be around. Hopefully he’ll keep the pratfalls to a minimum.  (Is that what Simon meant by “clumsy?” Still confused … )

Next up was Anoop. (The facial scruff is totally working for him, by the way!) While Seacrest told Lil right away that she was leaving, he simply told Anoop that he was in the Bottom 3 and tortured him by making him wait for his fate.

That brought us to Matt Giraud and Allison Iraheta. Who would be in the Bottom 3? Week after week, poor Matt Giraud is the victim of Ryan Seacrest’s double-talk fake-out game. Last night was no exception.

“As far as America was concerned last week, they would’ve sent you home,” said a ruthless Seacrest to Matt. “This week, it was entirely up to the nation, Matt. And they have also decided” … dramatic pause … “to save you.”

Thank goodness! While Iraheta is super-talented, it would be a real slap in the face to Matt (and the judges) if he went home just a week after being saved.

David Archuleta, also known as “the David who lost” last year, performed one of his little songs. He’s cute as a button — so cute, in fact, that he’s going on tour with Demi Lovato! (Insert tween squeals here.) But seeing him on stage last night reminds me of why I voted for Cook.

After Monchichi’s performance, it was time to evict someone else from the mansion. They already got rid of Lil; who would be next, Anoop or Allison? As I predicted, it was Anoop. This made me a little sad, but I know he never would’ve won anyway.  Besides, now he’ll have more time for our “relationship.”

Next week’s theme is Rat Pack standards. Hopefully the smoking and drinking will be kept to a minimum, at least until the afterparty!