Seacrest started off the show with a dramatic “prepare yourself for a surprise or two.”
Was it just a ploy to keep us watching or was he for real? Apparently it was the latter, as he later qualified his statement with “the producers have told me there are shocking results coming to you tonight.” (Can we please all agree that Ellen should stop judging and replace Seacrest as host?)
Yes, his statements (and this column) kept me watching but … shocking results? Seriously, Seacrest, how can you say these things with a straight face this season? This year has been full of “shocking” results shows. Lilly Scott ring a bell? How about my beloved Alex Lambert? And don’t even get me started on Teflon Tim Urban! In fact, it’s shocking when the results aren’t, well, shocking.
Before we got to the “shocking results” part, though, we had to trudge through the requisite amount of filler. After all, why make a show an efficient 30 minutes (or even 5) when you could extend it to a more lucrative 60?
Ryan reminded us that “Idol Gives Back” is airing in two weeks and told us about the online auction with items donated by the judges — baby tees from Simon, sneakers from Ellen and singing lessons from Randy and Kara. I had my eye on one of Simon’s tight shirts, sure that it would smell of manliness and shepherd’s pie, but came to the sad realization that these auction items are all going to end up going to the kinds of spoiled brats who appear on “My Super Sweet 16.”
The group number was back and in full effect this week, as the Idols did a Lennon/McCartney medley. The lip-synching this time out was absolutely horrendous. I guess that’s what happens when they take a week off! I didn’t give it the attention it required, though, because I was so distracted and mesmerized by the amazing mod fashions. Whoa, was that Katie Stevens or a living, breathing Bump-It/clip-in extensions advertisement?
In addition to the Idols’ lack of skill in the lip-synching department, there was something else made glaringly obvious by the group number. Yes, I should’ve noticed it before but I didn’t realize until now that the guys outnumber the girls a full two to one! An interesting ratio, especially since Simon (and I) declared this the “year of the girl.” It still is a girl’s year in a sense, though, because Bowersox is the the favorite to win. Still, it makes me wonder why they divide the Top 24 up by gender in the first place.
The remaining girls are still making us females proud, though. Ryan announced that not one of them was in the Bottom 3. This, of course, was not before he acted kinda like a jerk. In what is now becoming a routine occurrence, he inappropriately prodded one of the contestants with personal questions in a thinly veiled effort to make them cry on stage in front of millions. Last night’s victim was little Katie Stevens, who was asked who her emotional rendition of “Let It Be” was dedicated to (Alzheimer’s grandma, of course).
Guests performers included one of Kara’s discoveries, Jason Derulo, who performed “In My Head.” And when I say perform, I mean it! Whew! I was exhausted watching him! He was like a cross between Usher and a cheerleader, doing all kinds of acrobatics. Did I mention that he threw up the microphone and caught it several times? Set that thing on fire and you’ve got a great routine for the Miss Kansas competition!
Other guests included everyone’s favorite Monchichi with a golden voice, little David Archuleta, who reprised his version of “Imagine” from Season 7. Snore. When Rihanna entered the stage, I wasn’t sure if she was dressed as Catwoman or Gene Simmons. Either way, it was scary (there were metal workers doing “work” on their stomachs!) and the song, “Rockstar 101,” didn’t seem quite as radio friendly as, say, “Umbrella.”
Seacrest divided the guys into two groups of three — Lee DeWyze, Casey James and Tim Urban on one side and Mike Lynche, Aaron Kelly and Andrew Garcia on the other. Which group comprised the Bottom 3. Well, it was obvious, wasn’t it? I mean, it was clearly either Aaron or Andrew who would be going home. Oops, I guess this is where the “shocking results” come in, because while Aaron and Andrew were indeed in the Bottom 3, it was Big Mike who received the least amount of votes!
This was the first time that there was an actual possibility that the judges would use their save on someone. After all, they only had until the Top 5 to do it and surely Tim Urban would be gone by then. Big Mike reprised one of his best numbers of the season, “This Woman’s Work,” while his wife tearfully looked on. It was the best “singing to survive” performance we’ve seen this year.
And it paid off. After some double talk from Simon stating regret that Lynche hadn’t performed like that the night before, we learned that Big Mike would indeed be returning next week. But — big but — that means that two contestants will be eliminated next week.
Next week should be, um, dramatic, not because of Seacrest’s offensive interviewing skills but because the guest mentor is Adam Lambert. No, I wasn’t a huge fan of him last year but I have to admit that I do enjoy some of his songs. But guest mentor? Seriously? Glambert hasn’t even been off the Idol stage for a full year, not to mention the fact that he didn’t even win. What a slap in the face to Kris Allen! What were the producers thinking, putting him in the same category as musical legends like Miley Cyrus and Quentin Tarantino?
While “screaming” seems like the obvious theme, I have another idea of what it might be. A little birdie told me that Glambert would be mentoring the Idols in the theater at the Aria hotel in Las Vegas. Hmmmm, this is the very theater where the new Cirque du Soleil show, “Viva Elvis,” is playing. A couple of years ago the Idols attended the “Love” show in Vegas to prepare for Beatles Week … I could be way off but Glambert looks like Elvis and is controversial like Elvis. Viva Las Vegas! I can’t wait to find out if my hunch is right!