Kesha’s New Song ‘Praying’ Finds Joy Despite Suicidal Feelings: ‘Being Alive Hurts Too Much’ (Video)

“‘Praying’ was written about that moment when the sun starts peeking through the darkest storm clouds,” pop star writes

Kesha has found the light at the end of the tunnel, releasing her first song in nearly four years after a public, years-long battle in which she claimed her former producer Dr. Luke sexually and emotionally abused her.

The video for the pop star’s deeply personal track, “Praying,” dropped on Thursday. It opens with Kesha’s spoken prose:

Am I dead? Or is this one of those dreams? Those horrible dreams that seem like they last forever? If I am alive, why? If there is a God or whatever, something, somewhere, why have I been abandoned by everyone and everything I’ve ever known? I’ve ever loved? Stranded. What is the lesson? What is the point? God, give me a sign, or I have to give up. I can’t do this anymore. Please just let me die. Being alive hurts too much.

The track indirectly references her ordeal with Dr. Luke — real name Lukasz Gottwald — who eventually sued the “Tik Tok” singer in a case which pop stars from Lady Gaga to Kelly Clarkson rallied to Kesha’s side.

That came after Kesha sued Dr. Luke, claiming that he sexually and emotionally abused her. The producer, who has not been criminally charged, has denied the allegations.

She also added Sony to the lawsuit, contending that the company “had knowledge of Dr. Luke treating female entertainers under his tutelage and supervision in the same manner as alleged here regarding [Kesha] which includes both physical and emotional abuse.”

Kesha accompanied the release of “Praying” with a letter on Lena’ Dunham’s website, Lenny, detailing her deep depression over the past few years.

“‘Praying’ was written about that moment when the sun starts peeking through the darkest storm clouds, creating the most beautiful rainbow,” she wrote.

“I dragged myself out of bed and took my emotions to the studio and made art out of them. And I have never been happier with a body of work as I am with this record,” she added. “It’s from our darkest moments that we gain the most strength.”

Kesha also seemed to reference Luke directly in one passage: “This song is about coming to feel empathy for someone else even if they hurt you or scare you.”

She also detailed her personal struggles, which have included “intense anxiety and depression, a relentless eating disorder, and all the other basic bulls— that comes with being human.”

The singer eventually lost a bid to record outside of her contract with Sony, after a judge found that Sony had said that she could work with producers other than Gottwald under her pact with the music company.

While Kesha was unsuccessful in getting out of her Sony contract, the singer did enjoy a groundswell of support from fans and fellow artists alike, with artists such as Adele and Lady Gaga expressing their solidarity with her.

Watch Kesha’s new video above and read her entire Lenny Letter here.

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