Weddings are emotional affairs, prone toward triggering weepy outbursts and wildly inappropriate, drunken toasts. But generally such displays are reserved for weddings of people you actually know.
Not so with Friday's royal nuptials between Prince William and Kate Middleton. This particular matrimonial ceremony seems to be bringing out the unhinged side of pretty much everybody, and in particular members of the media. Case in point: Morton Report writer Brooke Miller, who broke out the Ouija board and churned out a heroically distasteful essay on Thursday, in the voice of William's deceased mother, Princess Diana.
Titled "Letter From Heaven: Dear William and Kate, If I Were There ... Love, Mummy," Miller's column assumes the role of Diana -- who died in 1997 at the age of 36 while being hounded through the streets of Paris by paparazzi -- to dispense maternal advice to William and Kate.
"If I were there I would tell you to be kind, gentle, reliable, and open," Miller-as-Diana writes. "Make certain your wife feels safe not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually."
The corpse-channeling scribe continues her advice to the husband-to-be with the following sage wisdom: "Do not speak for her, speak with her."
An odd thing to say, coming from a woman who's whipping up an online version of "Crossing Over" for the sake of a few page views.
To Kate, Miller says, "My legacy, I believe, is often misunderstood. I did not leave this earth hoping people would remember me by assuming they should be as much like me as possible."
Again, strange words for a woman who, even as she's typing them, is doing her worst to imitate the deceased former royal.
Wasn't it a much better world when people who deluded themselves into believing they were a famous dead monarch were wrapped in a straitjacket and tossed in a padded room, not given their own columns?
Yes, yes it was. Ponder that as you read Miller's twisted seance.