Ridiculous Royal Wedding Coverage: Demented Seance for Lady Di

Overzealous journalist breaks out the Ouija board to churn out an epically distasteful column

Weddings are emotional affairs, prone toward triggering weepy outbursts and wildly inappropriate, drunken toasts. But generally such displays are reserved for weddings of people you actually know.

Not so with Friday's royal nuptials between Prince William and Kate Middleton. This particular matrimonial ceremony seems to be bringing out the unhinged side of pretty much everybody, and in particular members of the media. Case in point: Morton Report writer Brooke Miller, who broke out the Ouija board and churned out a heroically distasteful essay on Thursday, in the voice of William's deceased mother, Princess Diana.

Titled "Letter From Heaven: Dear William and Kate, If I Were There … Love, Mummy," Miller's column assumes the role of Diana — who died in 1997 at the age of 36 while being hounded through the streets of Paris by paparazzi — to dispense maternal advice to William and Kate.

"If I were there I would tell you to be kind, gentle, reliable, and open," Miller-as-Diana writes. "Make certain your wife feels safe not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually."

The corpse-channeling scribe continues her advice to the husband-to-be with the following sage wisdom: "Do not speak for her, speak with her."

An odd thing to say, coming from a woman who's whipping up an online version of "Crossing Over" for the sake of a few page views.

To Kate, Miller says, "My legacy, I believe, is often misunderstood. I did not leave this earth hoping people would remember me by assuming they should be as much like me as possible."

Again, strange words for a woman who, even as she's typing them, is doing her worst to imitate the deceased former royal.

Wasn't it a much better world when people who deluded themselves into believing they were a famous dead monarch were wrapped in a straitjacket and tossed in a padded room, not given their own columns?

Yes, yes it was. Ponder that as you read Miller's twisted seance.

  • Gordon Franklin Terry, Sr.

    Well, do an experiment yourselves guys. On your way home from work stop by K-Mart or Toys R Us and buy a Parker Bros. Ouija Board in the board games section and try it out. Let me know the results.

    You are sure quick to doubt . . . but you never try!

    Ouija Boards do work.

    again, Ouija boards are in KMART, WAL-MART, TOYS R US, and TARGET, Ouija Boards are not hard to find.

    If you say a Ouija Board doesn't work, at least let me know you've used one.

    Freakin’ journalists . . . journalists say a bunch of stuff based on second and third hand observations.

  • Gordon Franklin Terry, Sr.

    I challenge Tim Kenneally to buy a Ouija board and try it out.

  • Gordon Franklin Terry, Sr.

    Quoting myself and wikipedia
    we read:
    From Wikipedia:
    Patience Worth was allegedly a spirit contacted by Pearl Lenore Curran (February 15, 1883?December 4, 1937). This symbiotic relationship produced several novels, poetry and prose which Pearl Curran claimed was delivered to her through channelling the spirit, Patience Worth.

    OUIJA boards do really work–they channel vibrational energy from around the universe. The Universe isn't just what we see in Star Trek and Star Wars (stars and planets and stuff) the universe is within us, throughout us, outside of us . . . every atom, every molecule of our being is influenced by VIBRATIONS.

    Available from any Toys R Us and K-Mart in The United States of America (even in Falls City, Nebraska) by PARKER BROTHERS, the Ouija Board detects and channels spiritual VIBRATIONAL ENERGY using your mind and body as a medium.

    Everything's energy;
    when our body dies the spirit occupying our body is released in an emulsified form of spurious VIBRATIONAL ENERGY. Just as radio-waves are deciphered by “transistors,” spiritual energy is deciphered by your body's connection to the Ouija Board. Each spirit has a frequency unto itself that is RADIATED throughout the universe . . . again the Ouija Board is a CONDUIT for the spiritual energy.
    copyright 2011 Gordon Franklin Terry, Sr.

    Now, reading the above, the studio executive will UNDOUBTEDLY say, “huh, what.” and will go with the ACTION/THRILLER/WAR/International-Espionage movie that uses OUIJA as the title because the studio bought the rights to use Ouija from Parker Brothers.

    • im.so.raven.

      Connect-4…Now that's a game that works.

      • Gordon Franklin Terry, Sr.

        When you look at full spectrum photographs you see energy that isn't visible to the naked eye . . .same with the kirlian photography.
        Have you tried a ouija board? what were the results.

  • renaissance.moron

    Energy that can't be measured. That's imaginary energy, then.

    • Gordon Franklin Terry, Sr.

      you can measure it with a full spectrum camera, kirlian photography, and EVP technology.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7IUHC3JWW3TQQEDBZI5KD4WN2M Corey Kemp

    I really don't care for the “royal couple” but i will be watching the movie on Lifetime.

  • http://thatweb.net/ ThatWeb

    Royal Marriage Prince William with Kate Middleton – Photos & Videos Here