With “The Expendables 3” only hours away, Screen Junkies skewered the film that kick-started the gloriously cheesy action franchise in a new Honest Trailer.
“From the star of ‘Rocky,’ ‘Rambo,’ and ‘The Italian Stallion,'” boasts the Honest Trailer, “comes the only ’80s action movie to come out in 2010” featuring a “mercenary gang of aging movie stars brought together for one last paycheck.”
Sylvester Stallone indeed directed, starred in, and co-wrote the first explosive film, which brought an entire generation of action heroes together to trade bullets, body blows, and occasionally witty barbs.
His co-stars in the testosterone-filled nostalgia-fest included Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews and — as the Honest Trailer is quick to point out — the briefest of cameos by Arnold Schwarzenegger. and Bruce Willis
Quality female roles, however, were few and far between. “Its not just boys playing with their toys,” says the Screen Junkies narrator. “Get to know the movie’s rich female characters like this helpless hostage, this cheating girlfriend, this random biker skank, and… uh… that’s all i guess. Not a lot of women in this movie.”
“Gear up for a film that seamlessly blends the worst action movie cliches from the last 40 years. Featuring heroes who somehow dodge every bullet from the ’80s, corny one-liners from the ’90s, lame CGI blood effects from the 2000s, and lame CGI everything else from today.”
The world can only hope “The Expendables 3,” which opens on Friday, lives up to its predecessors.